If your advertising agency created all those giant characters, you must know how to stop them.
AMAdvertising Man
Well sir, advertising is a funny thing. If people stop paying attention to it, pretty soon, it goes away.
Like that old woman who couldn't find the beef?
AMAdvertising Man
Exactly. If you stop paying attention to the monsters, they'll lose their powers.
But people can't help looking at them. They're wrecking the town. [Out the window, the monsters wreck the town]
AMAdvertising Man
You know, maybe a jingle would help. [plays a piano arpeggio, sings] Don't watch the mon-- [plays another arpeggio] Don't watch the...monsters-s-s. [chuckles] Well, it'll sound a lot better coming out of Paul Anka.
Hey, Springfield! Are you suffering from the heartbreak of...Monster-itis? Then take a tip from Mr. Paul Anka!
PAPaul Anka
[singing] To stop these monsters 1-2-3, Here's a fresh new way that's trouble free, It's got Paul Anka's guarantee...
[singing] Guarantee void in Tennessee.
PAPaul Anka and Lisa
[singing] Just don't look! Just don't look! [people turn away: the monsters turn to look] Just don't look! Just don't look! [more people turn away] Just don’t look! Just don’t look! [the monsters try to destroy things faster, but start collapsing. Paul Bunyon falls on the Springfield General Hospital, his ox Babe destroys the birthplace of Jebediah Springfield, and a flying magic carpet destroys the birthplace of Norman Vincent Peale.]
It worked! They're all dead.
Well, except for chubsy-ubsy over there.
[everyone turns and gasps and Lard Lad tempts Homer with the giant donut]
Don't make us poke your eyes out, Dad. [they drag him away]
[Lard Lad collapses, he falls, his donut rolls away. Kodos and Kang, meanwhile, are trying to hitch a ride in the middle of the desert with a sign saying "Earth Capital"]
Remember the story: we're newlyweds on our way to Earth Capital. [the donut rolls by as Kang smiles] Oh, Shazbot.
Even as I speak, the scourge of advertising could be heading toward your town! Lock your doors, bar your windows, because the next advertisement you see could destroy your house and eat your family!
[voice over] It all started on the 13th hour, of the 13th day, of the 13th month. We were there to discuss the misprinted calendars the school had purchased.
[shivering, looking at the calendar] Oh, lousy Smarch weather. [spies the thermostat with a note from Willy over it and reads it] "Do not touch. Willie." Good advice! [cranks it]
Our next budget item: $12 for doorknob repair.
[A burning Groundskeeper Willie tries to escape, but the doorknob falls off]
Recharge fire extinguishers? Now, this is a, uh, free service of the fire department...
[Groundskeeper Willie tries to use the fire extinguisher, but it's empty; he breaks out of the furnace room and runs into the classroom]
[still on fire] Help! Please help me!
Willie, please! Mr. Van Houten has the floor.
Er, I, for one, would like to see the cafeteria menus in advance so parents can adjust their dinner menus accordingly. I don't like the idea of Milhouse having 2 spaghetti meals in one day.
[Groundskeeper Willie explodes into flame and screams for a few seconds; the parents turn to watch]
[looking like a skeleton] You'll pay for this...with your children's blood!
Oh, right. How are you going to get them? Skeleton power?
I'll strike where you cannot protect them... in their dreams!
Bart! Do you realize what this means? The next time we fall asleep, we could die!
Heh! Welcome to my world! [falls asleep and snores]
[Bart and Lisa try hard to stay awake that night. Lisa gives Maggie a Buzz Cola to drink while the three children watch "Asian Market Wrapup."]
TATV Announcer
There's a volcano waiting to erupt in the Pacific Rim. Its name: medium-term convertible debentures.
It's no use, Bart. We can't stay up forever.
You're right. The only thing left to do is go into my dream and force Willie into a final showdown. You stay awake, and if it looks like I'm in trouble, wake me up.
OK. But promise you won't be grouchy.
Hey, Lawn Boy! You missed a spot! [motions to the sandbox]
When I'm done with you, they'll have to do a compost-mortem!
[In echo voice] Hello? Can anybody hear me?
Uh... I'm somewhere where I don't know where I am!
Do you see towels? If you see towels, you're probably in the linen closet again.
Just a second! ... No, it's a place I've never been before!
Heh, the shower! [Patty and Selma laugh]
Homer, this is your physician, Dr. Julius Hibbert. Can you tell us what it's like in there?
Um, it's like, uh... did anyone see the movie Tron?
Yes. I no. I mean, no. No.
[Frink draws a strange diagram on the wall]
Well, it should be obvious to even the most dim-witted individual who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic topology, n'gee, that Homer Simpson has stumbled into... [lights off] the third di-mension.
[switches the light on] Sorry.
[draws a square on the chalkboard] Here is an ordinary square.
Whoa, whoa! Slow down, egghead.
But suppose we extend the square beyond the two dimensions of our universe... along the hypothetical "Z" axis there.
This forms a three-dimensional object known as a cube, or a "Frinkahedron," in honor of its discoverer, n-gl'hey, n'hey.
[in echo voice] Help me! Are you helping me? Or are you going on and on?
Oh, right. And, of course, within we find the doomed individual.
Enough of your borax, Poindexter! A man's life is at stake. We need action!
[Wiggum takes out his gun and fires into the wall]
Take that, you lousy dimension!
[in echo's voice, disembodied] Help! I don't have much time.
That does it! I'm going in!
[Bart runs into the dimension, but Marge catches him and fails. He keeps running until he turns 3D too and looks around]
[the camera rotates and zooms out into a bird's-eye view of the green grid, Homer is nearing the edge of the green grid]
Oh, my God! I'm gonna be sucked into a black hole! I'm gonna be sucked into oblivion! And what's gonna become of me of the other side? I don't know!
[Bart climbs onto the XYZ street sign]
I can't get any closer. You'll have to jump!
[runs into a hole, breaks into pieces]
Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap--
[the world exploses as Bart gets pulled back]
Well, we hit a little snag when the universe sort of collapsed on itself. But dad seemed cautiously optimistic!
[in echo's voice] Craaaap!
Be strong, Marge. I'm sure he's gone to a better place.
[Bart fantasizes about being a "lardo on workman's comp" like Homer.]
[showing a rag on a stick] (southern accent) I wash myself with a rag on a stick.
[The members of the press all applaud Bart.]
"Explosion imminent". [scrolls back through text, sees gas wasn't vented] Oh, my God! The plant's going to explode!
[At the power plant, Carl and Lenny walk past the rumbling tank without a clue]
Hey, that thing's going caca-cuckoo.
Who cares? It's Homer's problem.
Wait! I know! [types] Vent gas. [reading the text on the computer screen] "Pressure too high"? "Tank must be shut down manually"? [to drinking bird] Oh, stupid bird! I never should have put you in charge! [strangles it a bit] Why you... Oh, who am I kidding? It's all my fault! [the bird nods] I gotta call the plant and warn them! [grabs phone, but his index finger is so fat that it depresses several keys at once]
RRecording
The fingers you have used to dial are too fat. To obtain a special dialing wand, please mash the keypad with your palm now.
Ahhh! [runs to the car] I'm going to have to shut it down myself. Fat, don't fail me now! [jumps in car; tires blow out] D'oh! [jumps on skateboard; snaps in half] Oh-oh!
[Homer is driving a stolen ice-cream truck towards the cooling tower, with several power plant employees clinging to the sides.]
Get away, damn it! Run for your lives!
W1Worker 1
I'll take a rocket pop!
W2Worker 2
What can I get for thirty cents?!
Let go! I've got to get to the tank! [the truck crashes and tips on its side; Homer runs out]
W3Worker 3
Heck, I can't decide without the pictures.
