[after Bart teases her in his spot] Otto, Bart Won't Get Me a Seat!
S18The Mook, The Chef, The Wife And Her Homer
[a large black SUV pulls up outside the school, Fat Tony opens the door]
[in a murderous voice] We are going for a ride...
[the children gasp]
... [normally] by which I mean the car pool, perhaps we will get yogurt....
[the children sigh with relief]
...[back to murderous] Now, who wants to sleep with the fishes?...
[the children gasp again]
...[back to normal] 'cause I just bought this Finding Nemo bedspread!
[the children sigh with relief again]
[in Fat Tony's home]
Welcome to my home.
[gasps] Must have cost a fortune!
Actually, you can really keep costs down when you don't pay for materials, or labor, or permits or... land.
Wow, your paintings have brush marks. And your statues have wieners.
Your words honor my family.
Ow, my schnoz! My punim! My pupik! My genechtagazoink!
Your dad's a mob boss? [Laughs nervously] Please don't have me whacked! I was just kiddin' around! We were all havin' fun. Wasn't it fun? [Laughs nervously] Oh, fun is so fun. [Laughs nervously] There is no Mafia! [pulls his own shirt over his face.] Columbus Day is better than Christmas!
S18Jazzy and the Pussycats
Boy, get dressed! You’re going to a jazz brunch as a punishment for all the racket you’re making.
I thought you wanted me to drum?
Hmph. I'm sending you mixed messages. Now get the hell out of here! [slams door, then opens it again] I love you so much. [Hostile] Damn you! [Shakes fist]
Hey hey! We got more jazz superstars on the way, folks! Gooey Martin, Willie Mims, Dropjaws Turner, Sketch Friendly, Tootsie Childs, Sammy Biltmore, No-Talent Jones, Anwar Bernitez, Bossy Marmalade, Bad-Check Mazursky, Ray-Ray Takamura, Shakey Premise, Boopsie Crouton, Richard Sakai, The Premarital Sextet, C.S.I. Miami, D.W. Jitters, The Chubb Group, Canteloupe St. Pierre and many many more funny names.
[to animals] No one knows you're here, so be quiet!
S18Please Homer, Don't Hammer 'Em...
Well, if you're through, let's check out that discount book warehouse.
But we already own a book!
Simpson, you've been waving your nuts in my face for too long...
Homie, don't you want to build something with your new fix-it books?
I did--I made a footrest!
Oh! Don't you have any follow-through on anything?
What's the point? We're all slowly dying...
Oh!
S18Treehouse of Horror XVII
[Homer eats two German guys at an Oktoberfest]
GGGerman Guy
What did we Germans do to deserve this? [Other German frowns at him] Oh, yeah.
Must eat more fat people... thank God I'm in America...
PMDr. Phil McGraw
[trapped in Homer's blob-sized body] Food does not equal love! [dissolves into pieces]
I don't get it. What's so "great" about this depression?
I like how everything's in sepia tone. Makes me all nostalgic.
AAbe
I didn't think it would come to this when I fought in the First World War.
"First World War"? Why do you keep calling it that?
AAbe
Oh, you'll see!
S18G.I. (Annoyed Grunt)
RRecruiter
How many of you like video games? [the kids cheer] Well, what if there was a violent video game that you could play for free, plus it's real and not a game at all?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.