Chief Wiggum quotes from The Simpsons

Chief Wiggum

[clears throat] Well, we have no witnesses, no suspects, and no leads. If anyone has any information, please dial "0" and ask for the police. That number again, "0."

Chief Wiggum

[sarcastically] Yeah, right, lady: an elephant ran through your front yard. OK. [goes to another line] Wiggum...yeah, right, mister, mm hm. An elephant just knocked over your mailbox. OK. [goes to another line] Wiggum...Yeah, right, buddy, liquor store robbery, officer down. Sure...and I'm Edward G. Robinson!

Chief Wiggum

Oh, my God... Someone's taken a bite out of the big Rice Krispie square! ...Oh, yeah, and the waiter's been brutally beaten, heh-heh.

Chief Wiggum

Oh, yes, we won! We won, we won! Uh, unfortunately, since I bet on the other team... we won't be going out for pizza.

Chief Wiggum

(Tutting) You missed the baby, the blind man...

Chief Wiggum

[Reading Homer's tombstone upside down] Put out an APB on a Uosdwis R. Dewoh. Yea, better start with Greek Town.

Chief Wiggum

What the--? This is Wiggum reporting a 3-18: Waking a police officer.

Chief Wiggum

[to Ralph] You know you're not suppose to go in there. What is your fascination with my forbidden closet of mystery?

Chief Wiggum

Boy, I'll tell you, they only come out at night... or, in this case, the day.

Chief Wiggum

All right, you guys have had way too much booze. [holds up some fresh bottles of Duff] Last call!

Chief Wiggum

[aims a pistol at them] Come on! Give me an excuse!

Inspector Wiggum

[after eating eel pie] We British sure eat crap.

Inspector Wiggum

[escaping in a hot-air balloon] You'll never catch me! I'm traveling at the speed of wind! Ha, ha, ha! [a spaceship pops the balloon which causes it to spin away into the distance] Remember me for my police work and not the murders!

Chief Wiggum

[fighting against a gunman, while protecting Homer] Take your hands off my brother from another mother.

Chief Wiggum

A TV star criticizing his writers, what has this world come to? Another bully for your collection boys.

Chief Wiggum

[at the evidence locker] Let's see... Present for Ralph, present for Ralph... Ooh, what do we have here? [grabs a crossbow] Boy, Ralph would kill himself with this in two seconds. And somehow it'd be my fault.