“Attack of the 50 Foot Eyesores” · Season 7
In this episode: Homer Simpson (5), Marge Simpson (4), Lisa Simpson (2), Kent Brockman (2), Bart Simpson (1), Kodos Johnson (1), Kang Johnson (1), Squeaky-Voiced Teen (1)
[places a dollar on the counter] I'd like a colossal donut, please. Just like the one on the sign. [Homer is given a regular-sized donut] D'oh! Nuts... That's false advertising!
Sorry, sir. No refunds.
[slowly] I paid for a colossal donut, and I'm gonna get a colossal donut! [walks away]
You don't scare us.
Astronomers from Tacoma to Vladivostok have just reported an ionic disturbance in the vicinity of the Van Allen belt. Scientists are recommending that all necessary precautions be taken.
[scoffs] Eggheads... What do they know?
Homer! Where did you get that?
Get what?
That giant donut.
Well, I acquired it legally. You can be sure of that.
[on TV] Good morning, everybody. Panic is gripping Springfield as giant advertising mascots rampage through the city. Perhaps it's part of some daring new ad campaign, but what new product could justify such carnage? [behind him, a poster of himself comes to life] A cleanser? A fat-free fudge cake that doesn't let you down in the flavor department like so many others? Would... [gets grabbed by his giant doppelganger] D-ooh! Let me go... no! Stop! No!
[A "Technical difficulties" sign appears]
[after Lard Lad continues destroying the town] Don't you ever get tired of being wrong all the time?
[thinks to herself] Sometimes...
These monsters are destroying everything and everyone we hold dear! And you kids should have jackets on.
If your advertising agency created all those giant characters, you must know how to stop them.
Well sir, advertising is a funny thing. If people stop paying attention to it, pretty soon, it goes away.
Like that old woman who couldn't find the beef?
Exactly. If you stop paying attention to the monsters, they'll lose their powers.
But people can't help looking at them. They're wrecking the town. [Out the window, the monsters wreck the town]
You know, maybe a jingle would help. [plays a piano arpeggio, sings] Don't watch the mon-- [plays another arpeggio] Don't watch the...monsters-s-s. [chuckles] Well, it'll sound a lot better coming out of Paul Anka.
Hey, Springfield! Are you suffering from the heartbreak of...Monster-itis? Then take a tip from Mr. Paul Anka!
[singing] To stop these monsters 1-2-3, Here's a fresh new way that's trouble free, It's got Paul Anka's guarantee...
[singing] Guarantee void in Tennessee.
[singing] Just don't look! Just don't look! [people turn away: the monsters turn to look] Just don't look! Just don't look! [more people turn away] Just don’t look! Just don’t look! [the monsters try to destroy things faster, but start collapsing. Paul Bunyon falls on the Springfield General Hospital, his ox Babe destroys the birthplace of Jebediah Springfield, and a flying magic carpet destroys the birthplace of Norman Vincent Peale.]
It worked! They're all dead.
Well, except for chubsy-ubsy over there.
[everyone turns and gasps and Lard Lad tempts Homer with the giant donut]
Mmm...sprinkles.
Homer! Stop looking.
Don't make us poke your eyes out, Dad. [they drag him away]
[groaning] Oh!
[Lard Lad collapses, he falls, his donut rolls away. Kodos and Kang, meanwhile, are trying to hitch a ride in the middle of the desert with a sign saying "Earth Capital"]
Here comes something!
Remember the story: we're newlyweds on our way to Earth Capital. [the donut rolls by as Kang smiles] Oh, Shazbot.
Even as I speak, the scourge of advertising could be heading toward your town! Lock your doors, bar your windows, because the next advertisement you see could destroy your house and eat your family!
We'll be right back.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
