Yes, I remember Bart's birth well. You don't forget a thing like... [dramatic] Siamese twins!
I believe they prefer to be called "conjoined twins".
And Hillbillies prefer to be called "sons of the soil", but it ain't gonna happen!
S8The Thing and I
[Flashback is being shown in which Marge has given birth to Siamese twins. One of them starts gnawing on the other's arm.]
I think I'll bottle-feed that one.
[voiceover from the present] A routine soul smear confirmed the presence of pure evil, it was then I knew the option was to separate you 2... immediately. [from the past] You both need to sign these. [voiceover from the present] But what to do with poor Hugo? Too crazy for Boy's Town; too much of a boy for Crazy Town. The child was an outcast. [Back in the present.] So we did the only humane thing.
We chained Hugo up in the attic like an animal and fed him a bucket of fish heads once a week.
It saved our marriage.
S8The Genesis Tub
[finding out that Bart squashed these people on purpose] Oh, poor little guys. That Bart was so rude.
S8Citizen Kang
[Disguised as Bill Clinton] I am Clin-Ton. As overlord, all will kneel trembling before me and obey my brutal commands. End communication.
GSGeorge Stephanopoulos
[to Kodos, who has taken on the form of Bill Clinton] Uh, Mr. President, sir, people are becoming a bit... confused by the way your and your opponent are, well, constantly holding hands.
[Disguised as Bob Dole] We are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'd like to hear it.
[crowd cheers] My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball. But tonight I say, we must move forward, not backward, upward not forward, and always twirling, twirling, twirling towards freedom. [crowd cheers]
[After Kang and Kodos have been exposed]
It’s true; we are aliens. But what are you going to do about it?! It's a two-party system; you have to vote for one of us!
[The crowd mutters in consternation as they realize he's right]
VVoter
Well I believe I'll vote for a third-party candidate!
Go ahead, throw your vote away!
[Kang and Kodos laugh out loud. Ross Perot smashes his "Perot 96" hat. The next day, Kodos announces the result.]
All hail, President Kang.
[After Kang has been elected President and the aliens of Rigel 7 have enslaved America.]
I don't understand why we have to build a ray gun to aim at a planet I never even heard of.
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos. [alien whips him] D'oh!
S8You Only Move Twice
[After the family has watched the video on Cyprus Creek]
It does seem nicer than Springfield.
Yeah... did you notice how the people weren't shoving or knocking each other down? I've never been to a place like that before...
[Bart shoves her aside]
Me neither.
AApu
I am not interested in buying the house, but I would like to use your restroom, flip through your magazines, rearrange your carefully shelved items and handle your food products in an unsanitary manner. HA! Now you know how it feels!
Thank you, come again!
Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there's a pair for you. Don't like them? Then neither do I!
[throws them out the door.]
Get the hell outta here! Ever see a guy say goodbye to a shoe?
[chuckles] Yes, once.
Good afternoon, gentlemen. This is Scorpio. I have the doomsday device. You have 72 hours to deliver the gold or you face the consequences. And to prove I'm not bluffing, watch this. [presses a button, causing a bridge to blow up in the background of the screen the gentlemen are visible in]
UMUN Man 1
[all the men look at the explosion] Oh my God, the 59th Street Bridge.
UMUN Man 2
Maybe it just collapsed on its own.
UMUN Man 1
We can't take that chance.
UMUN Man 2
You always say that. I want to take a chance.
[scoffs] "Collapsed on its own", you sch...You have seventy-two hours. See ya.
[Homer has just walked in on Scorpio, who is tuning a giant death ray.]
By the way, Homer, what's your least favorite country, Italy or France?
France.
[laughs] Nobody ever says Italy.
[Unseen by Homer, Scorpio has a James Bond-esque secret agent chained to a table under a laser, a la Goldfinger.]
Ingenious, isn't it Mr. Bont?
BMr. Bont
[in an accent reminiscent of Connery] Scorpio, you're totally mad!
Ha, I wouldn't point fingers, you jerk!
BMr. Bont
So do you expect me to talk?
I don't expect anything from you except to die and be a cheap funeral.
S8Burns, Baby Burns
Hey, Casey Jones, where this train headed?
CConductor
Springfield.
Yeah, Yeah. What state?
CConductor
This train going to--
[Train whistle blows]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.