Ned Flanders quotes from The Simpsons

Ned

[greeting Bart and Lisa] Hi-dilly ho, neglect-a-renos!

Ned Flanders

[high-pitched] Aaaaaaahhhh! All my life I've wanted purple drapes! [high-pitched] Aaaaaaaaaaahhhh!

Ned

I can't believe my last words to Maude were, "No foot-longs."

Ned

Son of a diddly.

Ned Flanders

[as Frink Sr. rips his heart out of his throat] I'm dying! And there's heaven! And who's that? Confucious? Milton Berle? Boy, have I been barking at the wrong tree! [collapses]

Ned Flanders

[notices all the people have disappeared] Where the H.E.C.K. is everybody?

Ned

Oh Lord, why have you given me these unholy visions of doom!? [Ned sees he is standing outside a theater performing the Rosie O'Donnell Musical. He has another premonition of the show being cancelled after three performances]

Ned

[scoffs] Well, I didn't need any special power to know that was coming!

Ned Flanders

[finding out the organ is in Ned's backyard] Homer! Did you steal the organ from the church?

Ned

I'm not thinking straight, why did I have that wine cooler last month?

Ned

[to Mrs. Muntz who accosts him] Spend less time on your back and more time on your knees.

Ned

SPORTS stands for Strict Parental Oversight Rather Than Sports.

Ned

[after seeing a weird church in the devilish cave] No, not Surf n Murf!

Ned

That sounds salty, but you seem sweet. I'm going to call you kettle corn.

Ned

He's a hero all right, a hero sandwich full of bologna!

Ned

Diddly? They can't say that on TV.