A character in The Simpsons
Played by Yeardley Smith
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
4th most-quoted character in The Simpsons: in 585 of its 3,477 quotes
Most scenes with: Homer Simpson (249), Bart Simpson (248), Marge Simpson (169)
Lisa[Writing her letter of disownment to Bart for forgetting her birthday] "Dear Bart, I am using the stationery Mom and Dad gave me for my birthday to inform you that we are now brother and sister in name only. Perhaps if a professional so advises, I will give you a hug at some far-distant family reunion. But rest assured, it will be purely for show. [Sobs]
[Lisa tries one last tack in convincing Rabbi Krustofski to reconcile with Krusty]
LisaHere you go, Bart. It's a long shot, but that's all I can do without learning Ancient Hebrew. [Bart looks at Lisa in expectation] Bart! I am not going to learn Ancient Hebrew!
LisaThanks for buying us these toys, Grampa.
Grampa Simpson [dismissive]: Bah! Why didn't you get something useful, like storm windows [as Lisa becomes sad]: or a nice pipe organ? [whining]: I'm thirsty. Ooh, what smells like mustard? [The Simpsons continue driving, ignoring Grampa as he continues complaining]: There sure are a lot of ugly people in your neighborhood. [Homer turns the car into the driveway as Grampa points]: Ooh! Lookit that one! [overhead shot of everyone [except Grampa] fleeing the car and running inside the house]: Oh, my glaucoma just got worse! The President is a Demmycrat! [plaintive]: Hello? I can't unbuckle my seat belt! Hello! [honks car horn, despite being in the backseat and allegedly not being able to unbuckle his seat belt]
LisaMom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece.
Lisa[finding out that Bart squashed these people on purpose] Oh, poor little guys. That Bart was so rude.
LisaDear log, can it be true? Do all Simpsons go through a process of dumbening? Wait, that's not how you spell "dumbening". Wait, dumbening isn't even a word. Hmm, I've got to find out more.
LisaThey want sentiment? I'll pump 'em so full of sap they'll be blowing their nose with a pancake!
Lisa[sighs in relief] Ah, it's springtime. [sees the geese] So, the geese must be flying back North. [sees another set of geese flying East] Hey!
LisaWow, I've been a cat, a tree, and Cokie Roberts. It's happening again. I wonder where I'm going this time. What's that?
[A sandwich appears on a black background]
LisaYuck! That sandwich is full of meat. [As the meats rotate] There's bacon, Canadian bacon, Mexican bacon [drooling] and a mouth-watering veal chop.
[Two arms come from both sides of the screen, then grabs the sandwich. Lisa takes a bite]
LisaOh, no, now I'm dad!
[background, from Homer's point of view, fades in. He's at a ballet]
Lisa[as Homer] Oh, and I'm at a stupid boring ballet.
Lisa[writing her letter] We can better ourselves!
[Lisa then sees a naked Bart riding a pig in the hallway]
Lisa[to herself] Well, most of us.
LisaHow could you ruin the good name of Star Blitzzz! Productions?
[Lisa and Marge are watching Homer getting operated on]
LisaSo many times we've seen Dad go under the knife.
Marge [while holding a card]: One more, and I get a free hysterectomy.
LisaI still believe in God. I just think there's another path to him, or her.
Marge Simpson: Her?! [addressing God] She's just kidding, Mister Lord!
Lisa[to Bart] You're Baby Stink-Breath, you're Baby Stink-Breath! En Francais... [in French] vous êtes L'enfant Stink-Breath!
Lisa[loudly] Then I'll be QUEEN OF THE WORLD [whispers] of spelling. [Loud] That's right, QUEEN OF THE WORLD [whispers] of spelling.
Homer SimpsonDan Castellaneta · 1,595 quotes
Bart SimpsonNancy Cartwright · 792 quotes
Marge SimpsonJulie Kavner · 677 quotes
MSMoe Szyslak164 quotes
Mr. BurnsHarry Shearer · 140 quotes
Ned FlandersHarry Shearer · 107 quotes
MVMilhouse Van Houten97 quotes
Krusty the ClownDan Castellaneta · 81 quotes
NMNelson Muntz79 quotes
WSWaylon Smithers73 quotes
Chief WiggumHank Azaria · 72 quotes
Principal SkinnerHarry Shearer · 66 quotes
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.