And the doctor told me that both my eyes were lazy, and that's why it was the best summer ever!
HMs. Hoover
Thank you, Ralph. Now take your seat. [Ralph exits the classroom]
[offscreen] Hey Blindy, have a nice trip!
Aah!
Ha-ha!
S10Lard of the Dance
Used grease is worth money? Then my arteries are clogged with yellow gold! [he groans with pain] Money in the bank.
Marge, I'm a little busy right now achieving financial independence.
With cans of used grease?
[mockingly] No, through savings and wise investments! Of course with grease.
AAlex
Your name's Lisa? Shut up, I love that name!
Did she just tell me to "shut up?"
Take it outside.
[Bart and Homer are escaping from Groundskeeper Willie through the air ducts. Willie grabs Homer by the ankle.]
Not so fast, boyo. Hell, if it was up to me, I'd let ya go. [Raises his fists.] But, the lads have a temper, and they've been drinking all day!
[Willie starts punching Homer with hard blows while Homer is screaming in pain.]
Ow! Stop pummeling me! It's really painful!
[Willie stops briefly] Okay, fine. I'll strangle ya for a while! [Willie strangles Homer with his hose, and one of Homer's eyes bulges out of its socket.]
Lisa, I can't imagine anyone being more likable than you. But apparently this new girl is. So my advice would be to start copying her in every way.
Oh, I can't believe those goons muscled me out of my grease business. I've been muscled out of everything I've ever done, including my muscle for hire business.
Oh, poor Homey. Couldn't you try some other far-out, moneymaking scheme?
Alright son, we're about to embark on our most difficult mission. Let's bow our head in prayer. Dear Lord, I know You're busy, seeing as how You can watch women change clothes and all that, but if You help us steal this grease tonight I promise we'll donate half the profits to charity.
Dad, He's not stupid.
Alright, screw it. Let's roll! [floors it]
When you want grease, go to the source. Good old Krusty Burger!
I'll say! Look at that red-headed kid. There must be $40 worth of grease on his forehead alone.
Uh, I was thinking more of the deep frier.
Whatever, we'll try it your way.
Can I help you, sir?
[leaning uncomfortably close to Squeaky-Voiced Teen] My... God, you're greasy.
Mr. Maruka, help!
[Nelson, Ralph, Wendel, Lewis, and Database sitting at a bench at lunchtime]
You see, the thing about huckleberries is: once you've had fresh, you'll never go back to canned.
[Skinner walks up to the bench]
Uh, uh, so anyway, I kicked the guy's ass!
[Skinner nods and walks off]
[quietly] Now, if the berries are too tart, I just dust them with confectioner sugar.
[All murmur in interest]
S10The Wizard of Evergreen Terrace
I brought you a tuna sandwich. They say it's brain food. I guess because there's so many dolphins in it, and you know how smart they are.
And these should give you the groundings you'll need in thermodynamics, hyperdmathematics, and of course, microbcalifragilistics.
Look I just want to know how to invent things, tell me.
All you have to do is think of things that people need, but which don't exist yet.
You mean like an electric blanket-mobile?
Well, possibly. Or you could take something that already exists and find a new use for it. Like...
Hamburger earmuffs.
Well, I suppose that would qualify.
Thanks, sucker!
Now, here's my "Everything's OK Alarm." [picks up a device that looks like a smoke detector and presses a button. It starts beeping loudly, with a sound similar to an air horn.] THIS WILL SOUND, EVERY 3 SECONDS, UNLESS SOMETHING ISN'T OKAY!
Turn it off, Homer!
IT CAN'T BE TURNED OFF! [The beeping starts weakening, then stops completely.] But it, uh, does break easily.
[after Homer shoots Marge with "The Makeup Shotgun"]
Homer, you got it set on "Whore."
Oh, sorry. [switches knob on gun] OK, this time, try to keep your nostrils closed. [Marge swats away gun, and the makeup hits a nearby wall instead] Oh, look what you did. Now I have to get my cold cream gun.
Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.
Women will like what I tell them to like.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.