Bart Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Bart

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures. Well, good night, everybody! Peace, man.

Bart

You heard the lady, Homer. So please mow quietly. Genius at work. [closes his bedroom window] One o'clock. Still just a potato.

Bart

I wish I was an adult so I could break the rules.

Bart

I miss Joe Piscopo.

Bart

[walking in front of a set of paintings] Paintings: Lifeless images rendered in colorful goop. But at night, they take on a life of their own. They become portals to hell! So scary and horrible...

Bart

[sees a gremlin on the school bus during a trip and screams] Everybody! There's a monster on the side of the bus!

Bart

Wow, that is the biggest Rice Krispie square I've ever seen! The rich sure know how to live.

Bart

The system works. Just ask Claus von Bülow.

Bart

[about Jessica] Smart, beautiful and a liar!

Bart

[to Jessica] You're turning me into a criminal when all I want to be is a petty thug.

Bart

[to Lisa about Jessica Lovejoy] She's like a Milk Dud, Lis. Sweet on the outside, poison on the inside.

Bart

George Burns was right. Show business is a hideous bitch goddess.

Bart

[showing a rag on a stick] (southern accent) I wash myself with a rag on a stick.

Bart

This is the worst Fourth of July ever. I hate America!

Bart

Turn it down! We don't want to wake up Mom & Dad!