[Chief Wiggum has given Milhouse's scent to a pack of vicious-looking police dogs. They bolt off, barking and snarling aggressively]
Ok, we can all stop worrying now. These dogs never fail.
Kirk Van Houten[exchanges a worried glance with Luanne] But... will they just find Milhouse, or will they find him and kill him?
Well, they'll... when they find him, they'll um... they'll humm...um...um...um...[murmuring so quietly he can barely be heard] ...bust him...
Kirk Van Houten
[frowns] Uh, excuse me, you didn't answer me. You just trailed off.
[rubs back of neck] Yeah. Yeah, I did kinda trail off there, didn't I? [laughs nervously]
I'm really sorry... I kind of traded your soul to the guy at the comic book store. But look! I got some cool pogs: ALF pogs! Remember ALF? He's back... in pog form!
You traded my soul for pogs?! [runs out screaming] Noooooooo!
NVNana Van Houten
Close that door, you're letting the heat out!
Kirk Van Houten
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
Our next budget item: $12 for doorknob repair.
[A burning Groundskeeper Willie tries to escape, but the doorknob falls off]
Recharge fire extinguishers? Now, this is a, uh, free service of the fire department...
[Groundskeeper Willie tries to use the fire extinguisher, but it's empty; he breaks out of the furnace room and runs into the classroom]
[still on fire] Help! Please help me!
Willie, please! Mr. Van Houten has the floor.
Kirk Van Houten
Er, I, for one, would like to see the cafeteria menus in advance so parents can adjust their dinner menus accordingly. I don't like the idea of Milhouse having 2 spaghetti meals in one day.
[Groundskeeper Willie explodes into flame and screams for a few seconds; the parents turn to watch]
[looking like a skeleton] You'll pay for this...with your children's blood!
Oh, right. How are you going to get them? Skeleton power?
I'll strike where you cannot protect them... in their dreams!
Kirk
Singles life is great, Homer. I can do whatever I want. Today I drank a beer in the bathroom.
Kirk
Yeah! And another great thing, you get your own bed. I sleep in a racing car, do you?
I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
Kirk
Oh. Yeah.
Kirk
You're letting me go?
CCCracker Co. Foreman
Kirk, crackers are a family food - happy families. Maybe single people eat crackers, we don't know. Frankly, we don't want to know. It's a market we can do without.
Kirk
So that's it, after twenty years, "So long, good luck?"
CCCracker Co. Foreman
I don't recall saying, "Good luck."
WWiggum
All right, you kids, come down now. We promise we won't kill ya.
Speak for yourself! Bart, get down here! I'm gonna spank you back to the Stone Age!
You can't make us come down!
You adults are always giving orders!
Well, you kids are always disobeying them!
Well, adults treat kids like children!
Kirk
Kids treat adults like cash machines!
[Song starts]
Kids! You've had your fun, now we've had our fill!
Yeah! You're only here because Marge forgot her pill!
WWiggum
Kids! You're all just scandalizing, vandalizing punks! [catches Nelson spray-painting "Oink" on his backside]
Channel-hopping, Ritalin-popping monkeys! [But please don't quit the fan-club!]
Kids! I can nag and nag till my hair turns blue!
Kids! You bum my smokes and don't say thank you!
RTRod and Todd
Why can't you be like we are? [they get hit with tomatoes]
AAdults
Oh, what a bunch of brats!
We oughta drown you just like cats! [Snowball II jumps out of his sack]
Adults! You run our lives like you're Colonel Klink!
Adults! You strut around like your farts don't stink!
Adults! You're such a drooling, snoring, boozing, boring bunch! Surly, meanie, three-martini lunchers!
Adults! They're always telling us to--
[grabs Milhouse with his cane] Shut your traps!
Eh... we're all fed up with all of you whippersnaps! [Milhouse screams and runs]
OFOld Folks
We're trying to get some sleep here! It's almost 6:15! What's the matter with...
AAdults
Don't you treat us like...
KKids
Can't you just lay off...
OFOld Folks
We're sick of all of you...
EEveryone
KIDS...TO...DAY!
[Song ends]
We're gonna teach all you rugrats a lesson!
Oh yeah? Pfft! What can you old people do to us?
Buzz off, you old buzzards!
[The adults and kids all angry throw taunts and insults at the old folks]
You're wrinkly, somebody should iron you.
[Bart prepares his money pulling prank and Hans Moleman is walking down the street]
Ah, my first sucker! [chuckles]
Oh, a dollar. Now I can have lunch! [tries to grab the bill when his glasses fell, making him see perfectly] Hmm?! It's a trick! I never needed these. [throws his glasses and walks away. Bart groans]
Oh, lookie here, it's the old fishing line on a dollar bill prank. Man, even a backwoods, no account, inbred, lead-paint-eating, kerosene-huffing, roadkill-chomping, uh... what was my point? [walks away]
Kirk
[to Luann] That is a practical joke, Luann. Which is too bad, because I desperately need that dollar. Yeah, I could also use the fishing line to get some dinner.
Bart, if Milhouse is hiding with you, tell him he has to shop for school clothes. [Milhouse comes out from behind the bushes]
Kirk
Okay, vultures... uh... Okay, um...
HKH. K. Duff
Forget it! I'm out.
Kirk
Uh... Vultures, almost every kid wears a retainer, and that is not cool! [shows Milhouse's braces] But this retainer is a de-lamer. As it turns this grill from blah to bling! [puts a golden retainer on his mouth with "MILHOUSE" written on it]
Oh, now that's a Milhouse I'd marry!
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
