Homer Simpson quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

[strict] Yeah, right! This ought to be good for a laugh!

Homer

[weighs himself] 239 lbs? Oh, I'm a blimp. Why are good things so tasty?

Homer

[speaks on a phone] Marge! Marge! We're gonna try one more place, the Sapphire Lounge. [angrily turns to Bart] Bart! I said look at the floor!

Homer

Geez, Louise. Look at this mess. I told that boy a billion times to pick up his jun---. [He accidentally steps on Bart's skateboard and he's sent flipping and rolling down the stairs. He screams the whole way down, cursing a bit as well.]

Homer

[after watching a commercial about Dimoxinil] Hair. Hair. Just like everybody else.

Homer

[rides across the gorge with Bart's skateboard] I'm gonna make it! I'm gonna make it! This is the greatest thrill of my life! I'm king of the world! Woo-hoo! Woo-hoo, I- [he almost reaches the end of the gorge, screams as he falls down, onto several jagged rocks, until hits the bottom of the gorge, Bart's skateboard hits him in his head]

Homer

[after he gets stuck in the waterslide] What? Come on, you stupid tube!

Homer

[a thought bubble opens on Ned with his jeans split up, next shows Ned crying over a closed Leftorium, next shows the grave] Uh...too far.

Homer

You know, Marge, that Bart is a little miracle - his winning smile, his button nose, his fat little stomach, his face alight with wholesome mischief. He reminds me of me before the weight of the world crushed my spirit.

Homer

Dr. Hibbert, Bart needs a... [sees Martin after destroying Bart's Honor Roller] YOU! Homewrecker!

Homer

[to Marge, about Sting as a digger finding Bart] Marge, he's a good digger!

Homer

Why didn't you tell the rest of us? [turns red in anger] Why did you keep it a secret?! [angrily points to Bart] If you were 17, we'd be rich. But no, you had to be ten.

Homer

[discovers a submarine on the big screen] That submarine is so fake! Look, you can see the strings! [gasps] An octopus!

Homer

[with an idea given to his brain] I've heard how this ends! It turns out the secret code was the same nursery rhyme he told his daughter! [the entire audience boos at him, throws everything] Hey, it's pretty obvious if you think about it!

Homer

[about his broken couch] Why did this have to happen now during prime time when TV's biggest stars come out to shine?