[Homer started sleeping at the Nuclear Plant after Marge threw him out of the house]
Poor guy, living at the plant.
And yet, he's still late!
S27Every Man's Dream
[Selma calls Homer]
Hello, Homer. Marge is getting ready for a date!
[sad] Marge? On a date?
Yep! But I'll make you a deal: I'll try to save your marriage if you can guess which one I am.
Patty?
Wrong!! [hangs up on Homer, who starts crying]
S27Cue Detective
[Lisa and Bart are investigating Nelson, who's playing a game on a tablet, about the missing smoker]
And those are some nice upgrades.
Expensive upgrades!
Upgrades like that costs gems, and gems cost cash.
Expensive cash!
Where did you get the cash, Nelson?
I don't use gems! I'm a grinder. A grinder!
[spins the merry-go-round, making Bart and Lisa dizzy]
Then they called me "Stinkson"! That's not even my name!
What happened? Our family's been ostracized for lots of things, but never our hygiene. [silence] Rarely our hygiene. [silence] Never my hygiene!
S27Puffless
I'm about to say something I never thought I'd say to you... Something nice.
Mmhh?!
I only mock you because I'm jealous of what Marge has on you. I only have Selma, and now I don't even have that.
Oh, Patty, I waited so long for you to open a window of niceness.
No, that was it, window shut.
Eh, what's the penalty for... driving a tractor drunk through a... renaissance fair?
Can't help you! I might be having a stroke! I have to consult a competent medical professional! [types on a medicine website "Have I had a stroke?"] Hmm... Got that, got that... m-Hmm... Who doesn't have that? [groans] Is anyone here to get an ambulance license?
That'll be mine!
Here you go! [gives him a license]
I lied! [runs away]
Now, put your good clothes on.
I'm already in a dress and pearls, and I'm 8 years old.
S27Halloween of Horror
I don't want to be rude, but you losers should go suck somewhere else.
Why are you locking up the house?
[scared] Wha...? [heavily breathing] Why does anything happen? Why are blue jeans blue? Who invented haircuts? [laughs] It's all just stuff I'm saying!
S27Treehouse of Horror XXVI
[Bart enters the music room looking for Mr. Largo. A classic violin music plays on the background]
Mr. Largo? Hmm, something's wrong. That music is in tune...
Hello, Bart!
Aah! Sideshow Bob!!
'Twas I who texted you... using Milhouse's phone! Did you know his wallpaper is American Girl Doll? Now let me put this in terms that a young boy would understand: [he opens a violin case and takes out a harpoon gun, then aims it at Bart while he speaks] you and I have danced a grand pas de deux worthy of Nijinsky, but this... is... the final... plié!
[unamused] Yawn. You couldn't kill me with that thing if I drew an "X" on my forehead. [he does so with blue chalk, then makes a taunting dance] Bob and a spear gun, sitting in a tree, S-U-C-K-I-N- [Bob shoots him with the gun, impaling him in the chest; he doesn't seem fazed, at first] Ha! Nice try, Bob, but I'm sure you made some... [he starts to falter] stupid... mistake...
Not this time. [yanks the spear projectile from Bart's chest, pulling out his heart]
[in a weaker voice] Tell my father... he's... fat... [dies]
[smiles in triumph] The deed is done. 24 years of trying to kill a ten-year-old child have finally paid off.
[Sideshow Bob has invented a Reanimator machine in the basement that can resurrect Bart]
And now, Bart, let's bring the old "spark" back to our special relationship! [He pulls the lever and activates the machine; in a second, Bart is born anew with no ill effects]
[gets sassy] You couldn't kill me if I came in with pneumonia and a knife in my back. [Bob pulls out a sledgehammer and kills him again with one whack on the head]
I didn't care for the "thwock" the sledgehammer made. [tosses the hammer and returns to the Reanimator] No worries, I'll just kill him again. [activates the Reanimator again and revives Bart]
[with a confident smile] That's why I'm the Unkillable Kid. [Bob arrives and hits him with the sledgehammer again, this time in the stomach, but nothing happens] Still not dead. [Bob gets annoyed and whacks him on the head again] Psych! [Bob then gets infuriated and whacks him in a frenzy] Ay carumba! [the whacking continues until his guts spill out and he finally succumbs to his wounds]
We're both going to be sore tomorrow! [cackles in glee and revives Bart again, starting a death montage]
[Sideshow Bob, revived as a mix-and-match critter, finishes T.S. Eliot's "The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock" he reads to the students at Springfield University]
"...By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown."
[to the students] Any questions?
FSFemale Student 3
[with Bart relaxing next to her] Yes, what are you supposed to be again?
[responds in annoyance] A full professor! But the tenure committee is excruciatingly slow. [He looks up at Bart and mutters with a "Why I oughtta..." and grunting before he gives off a cluck like a chicken and lays an egg that rolls in front of him. At once, he feels humiliated and embarrassed.]
Grampa, everyone in town thinks you are foolish.
GSGrampa Simp-san
Who is more foolish---the fool, or the fool who thinks the fool a fool?
What the hell does that mean, Grampa-san?
GSGrampa Simp-san
For centuries, our family has made a daily offering of a special donut to a slumbering underwater sea creature, so that he does not rise and destroy us all. [Bart and Lisa laugh]
He is foolish!
So foolish! [laughs and turns to Grampa Simp-san] Doesn't mean you are not special.
Okay, guys. My cellphone is somewhere in that pulsing ooze. Now each grab one ankle while I dive in!
We have to be careful, Milhouse. There's no telling what that stu-- Bart! What are you doing?!
[with a green "beard" made from the ooze] Madam, how do you do?
[offscreen voice] You don't know what that stuff is doing to you!
Oh, it's just the same junk Dad brings us home from work! [reveals that the ooze is radioactive waste from the nuclear plant] To us Simpsons, this green goop is mother's m-- [a bubble with the radioactive ooze blows up, throwing them out of the hole]
Once again, they just had a cameo!
Don't be confused, or they'll put us in 4:3 (4 by 3)! [The black bars split into HDTV and transform into SDTV (4:3)] Oh, they're doing it! No!!!!!!
Just because it looks like Season 4 doesn't make it season four!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.