I do have a place you can go, where a sadistic man with government experience can feel right at home.
S23The Falcon and the D'ohman
So much violence on the surface world... I'm going back! [jumps back under ice]
WWayne
Homer is implanted with several high powerful tracking devices.
How did that happen?
WWayne
I left them out in a bowl and he ate them.
No! Not the middle seat!
We can't keep serving the same thing every day, these kids have mashed potatoes coming out of their ears.
[Jimbo runs past with mash potato in his ears, as he didn't want to listen to Bart]
Point taken.
WWayne
Your town appears on no maps or charts.
Yeah, they couldn't find a Google map photo without me naked or urinating.
And when there was a map makers convention here, we all got Lou Gehrig's disease.
Not the one you're thinking of though, there's another one.
What brought you to Springfield? Was it our Frito Lay distribution center?
MMoe
Wow, that's the farthest one of my eggs ever made it down someone's throat.
MMoe
My fresco! That's coming out of your stealings!
I guess it's not much when you look at real problems in the world like Major League umpires not using instant replay.. ok...
S23Bart Stops to Smell the Roosevelts
This place is beautiful as a the side of a Coors Lite bottle. The kind my dad used to leave in the bathroom.
[After Skinner has fallen for Bart's latest prank]
SCSuperintendant Chalmers
I'd say you're dumb as a post, but at least you can put a sign on a post that says, "Fresh strawberries-- one mile." You are a nitwit in an ill-fitting suit.
PSPrincipal Skinner
[quietly] I'll have you know I'm lop-shouldered.
I'm sorry, what did you say?
SSkinner
[angry] I said, I'm lop-shouldered...and I have been since I was hung by my armpits in a North Vietnamese prison!
[shocked by the outburst] I... I didn't know that.
SSkinner
Oh, the list of things you don't know could fill a week's worth of morning announcements, with enough left over for a send-home flyer!
There's no need for hyperbole, Seymour.
SSkinner
If you think it's so easy to handle Bart Simpson, why don't you do it yourself?! [The rest of the teaching staff cheers]
I thought teachers only went outside to smoke and cry.
Same garbage, different dumpster.
We have shirts from other high schools.
Ooh, we can wear those to the nice malls.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.