I'm gonna miss this place.
[as the Van Houtens leave] Why do people keep doing that?
S36Bart's Birthday
Simpson, we are finally sending you to juvie and throwing away the keys, is what I would say if I wasn't about to start a whole new chapter in my life. [Bart groans] I'm joining the Chicago P.D. I'm gonna lead the ADU.
The All-Decapitations Unit?
Yeah, there won't be a lot of laughs. I think it’s a drama. One thing's for sure though, I'm going to miss this pla-
ENOUGH WITH THE STUPID LIGHT SWITCH!!
Come on, sweetie. It's time for you to go home.
[Bart groans]
Son, I can see you're experiencing some pretty big feelings right now. Let's try and center them. Now blow out your candles.
[scoffs] You blow 'em out, dumbass.
I know, I know. It's a lot to process suddenly having a great father.
Dude, you're not capable of change!
[through teeth] I hear you and I validate your feelings.
[sternly] You're not a great father, you are Homer Simpson. A drunk, neglectful sack of crap, and that's why everyone laughs at you!
[turns red in anger] Why you little... [angrily strangles Bart, smashes onto his cake, then resets]
[switches the light on] Bart, look what you did to your cake.
Mmm, floor cake. [takes a bite of Bart's cake]
Ten. I stopped it. I'm still ten.
[to Bart] When are you going to grow up?
Never.
S36Shoddy Heat
BOBilly O'Donnell
Okay, listen, you stay in the car until I get back.
[Agnes doing cube rotation while waiting for Billy to return]
I waited and waited.
[Agnes snoring and cube rotations all over on her and gasps]
Ma'am, are you okay? 'Cause I've been staring at ya since 2:00 in the morning.
[Agnes groans]
[Cletus takes a cube rotation]
I never saw Billy again. Abe, what if Burns knows I was there?
I guess I'll have to ask him. Luckily, I'm wearing my gun.
[grunts]
S36Treehouse of Horror XXXV
Thanks to Lisa Simpson's tireless and tiresome advocacy, Springfield will now be providing free LED light bulbs to every household.
I can use the money I save to pay for these louder bullets!
I applaud Springfield for finally embracing a progressive idea.
Whoa, Nelly! It's a progressive idea? Well, now I hate it.
S36Women in Shorts
LVLuann Van Houten
Okay, ladies. Let's all take out this month's book. Then open it, close it, and break out the wine!
Luann, we're not feeling very "woo." What we're feeling is woo-ried.
Mm-hmm.
KAKumiko Albertson
This is an intervention.
I don't have a problem with drinking.
It's not the wine.
Luann, you have an addiction to wine merch.
The question is: Do you want to live your life like this?
Oh! And I suppose all your throw pillows just say nothing. Anyway, it's not like it's hurting anyone.
KKumiko
Isn't it?
Luann, we're here for you.
But... but being a funny wine mom is my thing. I have absolutely nothing else in my life. [He starting to crying, Milhouse sighs]
You like coffee, right? What if your new personality was coffee?
Coffee merch doesn't get me there!
Chocolate?
"It's chocolate o'clock somewhere"? That makes no sense, Bernice.
How about "proud slut"?
Hmm... hmm... I love it.
MSMalibu Stacy
Hi, Shauna!
SCShauna Chalmers
Um. Who are you, freak? Besides a freaky freak, you freak.
MSMailbu Stacy
I'm Malibu Stacy. You're Malibu Stacy. I came here from Malibu Stacy Land because a rea girl who plays with me needs my help. And that's you, Shauna.
You still play with dolls?
[Scoffs] No.
MSMalibu Stacy
It's okay to be complicated. As women, we can encompass multitudes.
Encompass my fist! [He jumps and Stacy screams, he started to punch]
Yeah, get her!
Get out of here and leave me alone, loser! I'm so sorry. Meet me at home after school. We'll have a tea party, I love you so much.
[He started to punch again]
MSMalibu Stacy
You're not fighting me! You're fighting your fears of growing up!
[He stop punching, he surprised, Malibu Stacy just smiled. Shauna kicks Malibu Stacy's head out of floor. Smithers had to get in the car. Malibu Stacy's head is over at Smithers. Smithers screams. Nelson yawns]
All right, good night, Nelly.
Mama, could you tell me a story? How about one from the Kingdom of the Classy Ladies?
[chuckles] Another one?
Aw, please! I never get tired of their adventures.
Well, once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess named Muntzeena. Oh, and she loved to dance with all of her friends atop the glittery stage of...
Lord Tracksuit's Manor!
One five eve, a party of Knights of the Order of the Bachelor from the Valley of Silicon were there, tossing much gold.
Did they bring a wizard with them who could control the weather?
Oh, they sure did. And boy, oh, boy, did he make it rain.
Oh, my hero.
No, mom. You're mine.
Ah, shut up.
Fun fact about Jennifer Garner, Marge. She'll take a night at home with the kids over a Hollywood premiere any day of the week.
I told you that.
Breaking news. Smoke 'em if you got 'em. A ship carrying America's entire supply of cigarettes has become lodged in the Panama Canal.
R, D, R, D, R, D. [After the ship was turn left, but he couldn’t do that, Horn blading in the ship, crowd laughing] Do you think the honking is helping? ‘Cause I don't!
Experts say the cigarette shortage could mean months before shelves are restocked and lungs re-blackened.
Oh, hey there, handsome. What's your name?
HDr. Hibbert
Dr. Julius Hibbert.
No, it's not.
HDr. Hibbert
Okay, okay, I'll give it a try. Ahem. Hello, stranger. Got any sexually transmitted diseases I should know about?
Ugh. My name is Lavern McCray. I'm a lingerie model.
HDr. Hibbert
Well, we have that in common.
You're a lingerie model?
HDr. Hibbert
No, uh, my name is also Laverne McCray. I-I mean Maverne MacDoolittle?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.