Nick Riviera quotes from The Simpsons

Inflammable means flammable? What a country!

Troy McClure

I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from such TV series as "Buck Henderson, Union Buster" and "Troy and Company's Summertime Smile Factory". Today I'm here to tell you about "Spiffy.", the 21st century stain remover. I'm filling in for Actor Buck Henderson. Now, Let's meet the inventor, Dr. Nick Riviera.

Thank you, Troy. Hi, everybody.

Hi, Dr. Nick.

Troy, I brought with me the gravestone of author and troubled soul Edgar Allan Poe! [exhibits a grimy tombstone]

One of our best writers.

Yes, but unfortunately, a century of neglect has turn this tombstone into a depressing eyesore.

Troy McClure

So what? I guess we're going to have to throw it away.

Not so fast, Troy! With one application of Spiffy, you'll think the body's still warm! [applies some Spiffy and rubs, removing all the grime]

Ooooooh! Ahhhhhhhh!

Troy McClure

Quoth the Raven, "Nevermore."

Homer

[watching the show on TV] Ooh, that's one clean tombstone!

I'm offering three bottles, enough to clean one thousand tombstones, for only $39.95!

Booo!

I'm afraid you're going to have to do better, doctor.

Homer

[watching the show on TV] Yeah, give us a break, doctor!

Okay, I'll throw in a fourth bottle, the applicator glove, and a state of Kansas jell-o mold. $29.95!

Mr. Burns

[bursts thru the ward] This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. [he plugs the plug]

Dr. Hibbert

Now, look, I'm the doctor here.

Mr. Burns

Well, I demand a second opinion.

[pops in] Hi, everybody!

Hi, Dr. Nick! [Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]

Homer

[squeaks] Mrrh.

Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.

Mr. Burns

Yoink!

Instead of making sandwiches with bread, use pop tarts. Instead of chewing gum, chew bacon.

Bart

You could brush your teeth with milkshakes.

Hey, did you go to Hollywood Upstairs Medical College too?

Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. :[reads from clipboard] Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant...

But I cleaned them with my napkin.

Misuse of the cadavers...

I get here earlier when I drive in the carpool lane.

Mel Gibson

Hi, everybody.

Hi, Mr. Gibson!

You gotta make me shorter doc.

Dr. Hibbert

[laughs] What do you mean?

I mean take out bones, guts, whatever you gotta do to make me a micro Moe.

Dr. Hibbert

What you're asking is completely unethical. No licensed physician would perform that operation.

Now close your eyes and when you wake up you will be a woman.

No, no, no, no, no! I-I wanna be shorter, for a woman.

Uh oh. I mixed you up with the last guy.

Largo

[screams] I look nothing like Julie Newmar!