The Simpsons · Season 28
What a beautiful day for a family stroll!
[carrying his octuplets] Tell that to my aching back!
[groans] It's not a family stroll! Homer forgot where he parked his car last night and now we have to find it!
What a beautiful day to be in denial!
Yeah, Bart, who cares? The sun is shining, birds are singing, people... are... staring up at the sky in terror?
[the family screams]
Do you see it, Lisa? There's... nothing... there.
And that's where Lard Lad used to be!
Uh... Looks like we better file a report with the Bureau of Missing Statues.
Yeah. Be like that time that Rodin statue got stolen. What was the name of the statue again? Eh, ah, let me think. [sits on the statue's base imitating The Thinker] Um... thinking. Yeah... Still thinking. Still thinking...
In response to the outcry, Lard Lad's parent company, Tianjin Mining and Smelting and Donuts, has issued the following statement: "We are rebranding Lard Lad with an updated statue."
Ooh, rebranding!
That just means admitting failure, Dad.
Ooh, admitting failure!
Come on, sir. You'll be late for your appointment.
Hush! No one must know I'm not in perfect mental health. The Kaiser would be furious!
[Mr. Burns walks down the medical complex's hallway]
Hip joints! Who wants a hip joint?
Eyeballs! Can't see without your eyeballs!
Euthanasia! Sweet, sweet euthanasia!
Ooh! Can I buy it as a gift?
No!
I believe last week we were discussing your anger issues.
[angry] Anger issues? Anger issues?! Anger issues? Anger issues?!
Yeah all right, I'm afraid our 50 minutes are almost up.
Sorry. You were saying?
I know you're in a hurry to go to the bar to watch football, but first, I want you to put the kids to bed.
Ugh!
[reading The Wizard of Oz] Everything after the tornado was a dream. The end!
Yay!
The only Boston wins is because they cheat! Listening in our teams' headsets, fattening our cheerleaders, you know, for three games last year, Boston used a volleyball painted brown!
That was never proven, you Springfield screw-job.
Ugh! Boston fans. In town for the Dennis Lehane book tour.
Go kiss a Kennedy, you rule-breaking cranberry squeezers!
We don't cheat! We won 12 division titles in ten years, fair and square!
You dorks are just jealous of all our championship rings! [they start kissing their hands]
You're the one who's jealous. I only wish I could be as jealous as you!
Geez, Jay, this place has got more knobs than a hardware store. I hate this town!
So don't I. Frigging doorknobs [they laugh]
Automatic! [they kiss their hands again]
[Sideshow Bob gets out from behind a tree]
Aahh!!! Sideshow Bob! [Kang or Kodos gets out from behind a tree] Aahh!!! One of you guys!
[the ghost of Frank Grimes merges from the ground]
Marge, Bart and Lisa: Frank Grimes?
Who?
I'm the guy who hated you. Hated you! Died from my hatred of you!!
[giggles] Good old Grimey.
To the point, we are evil geniuses who, somehow, lost every battle we've had with Homer Simpson.
[eating tinsels] What?
So we decided to form this furious four!
Bob, seriously man, one suggestion? Shut up! I mean, the baby is already asleep.
Awww.
Will nobody stop these people? [clips from all previous episodes appear and a counter goes from 1 to 600] Oh, hi. How do you do, Children? I'm Frank Grimes. In Hell, they make you watch them all in a row. Welcome to our 600th Episode. Treehouse of Horror 27.
[suffocated inside a plastic bag] Why did Mom "DOUBLE WRAP"?!?!?!?
[narrating] Chief Clancy Wiggum arrests Lisa and Lisa is arrested for the murder.
Attention lovers of studio perfectionism, I drugged all the concessions so you'll do what I say!
Drugs at a Steely Dan concert? I never thought I see the day.
Angry mob, kill the intruders. Steely Dan, play "Deacon Blues". No, "Royal Scam". No, "Babylon Sisters".
Hey hey! What time is it, kids?
Product tie-in time!
That's right! I'm introducing a new line of candy so delicious that the Krusty Corporation board of directors will stop threatening to oust me! [drum roll] Presenting: Krustaceans! They look like shrimp, they taste like candy, and they're organic! Uh... "Clown eats snack"? Uh-oh, this could get ugly.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
