The Simpsons · Season 20
[watching the St. Patrick's Day celebrations] Urgh, where's the IRA when you need them?
We renounced the ways of the gun and the bomb. [A double decker bus bearing a Union Jack drives past] Oh, in the old days, we'd have been all over that.
This was such a pleasant St. Patrick's Day until Irish people showed up.
Bail is set at $25,000.
[scoffs] I make that in a year.
So how about a little stakeout music.
Homer, I don't think we have the same musical tastes.
Well I like :AC/DC.
I like their Christian cover band :AD/BC. [Starts Singing]:Kindly deeds done for free.
And you have to promise me no "diddlies" or "doodlies."
Friend, you got yourself a deal-a-rooney!
D'oh!
[seeing what her parents are up to] Tracking software? [gasps] You're spying on Bart!
Honey, keeping track of someone because you love them is not wrong. It shows you care.
[Listening to Marge via his own bugging device in the basement] That's right my beautiful, beautiful Midge. [Laughs] Soon, you'll be mine.
[observing Moe via spy camera] Keep talking, creepo.
Every word buys you a year in the slammer.
Bart, how did you get a cellphone?
The same way you got me, by accident on a golf course.
Constipated Gorilla/Denis Leary: "No longer must we live in shame, let the decree go forth, EVERYBODY POOPS!"
[Bart prank calls a Hawaiian bar]
Aloha.
Aloha to you. I'm looking for Maya. Last name Normousbutt.
Hang on. I'll check. Uh, has anyone seen Maya Normousbutt?
[Bar patrons laugh, while the bartender glares at the phone in rage.]
[The scene switches from Hawaii to Australia as Bart calls Crocodile Drunkee's.]
I've got a Drew P. Wiener(droopy wiener) here. Anyone expecting a Drew P. Wiener. I hold in my hand a Drew P. Wiener.
Better put it down then mate.
[He and the other patrons laugh, as the bartender is enraged.]
[Scene switches from Australia to Sweden. The bar's name is Inga Bar Beermans.]
Ja! I shall inquire. Is there a Mr. Myfriendsaregay, first name Olaf. Attention everyone, all of my friends are gay.
[Bar patrons laugh, slowly]
Wait a minute. If I ever get a hold of you, I shall thank you for showing me the futility of human endeavors.
[Bart is at a low end of a see-saw while Mr Burns is at the high end and won't fall]
Why won't you come down?
I told you. I only weigh as much as my clothes and keys.
[while falling] Aw, come on gravity...You used to be cool.
You just cost me $200,000!
I thought it was 50.
I was gonna bet it on the dogs!
Uh, I can explain.
Kill the child!
[Marge squats down to face Bart, but her old dress rips, and she groans in anger]
Bart, I've had it with you! I'm taking away your TV privileges.
You already did that.
Okay, then video games.
That, too.
No more non-dice broad games!
What? You can't take my Balderdash!
I just did! [Bart grunts angrily and goes to the bathroom]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
