Groundskeeper Willie quotes from The Simpsons

Willie

Hold on, kids! I'm coming to rescue the lot of you! I'll— [screams] Ugch, I'm bad at this.

Groundskeeper Willie

If I don't save the wee turtles, who will?!

Groundskeeper Willie

Aaagh! Save me from the wee turtles!

Groundskeeper Willie

[talking to Skinner about Bart] Just say the word, and I'll drive this hoe into his back! [conversationally] I can make it look like suicide!

Willie

[acid rain is falling; singing] I'm singin' in the rain

Willie

I'm so drunk I can barely see

Groundskeeper Willie

[after accidentally driving over a red ball] Oh my God, I've shredded a child! AGAIN! [races to a nearby road, heading for the border] Venezuela, here I come!

Willie

[singing to the tune of Loch Lomond while waxing the floor] Oh, I'll wax the upstairs and I'll wax the downstairs and I'll get drunk in the library!

Groundskeeper Willie

Lily gets why we're here. Life is supposed to be fun. I loved her. We all loved her. The way gophers love that sweet, sweet poison. Every man wanted her for the greatest reason there is. Lily could make life fun.

Groundskeeper Willie

Ah, you broke my sniffer. You do love me.

Reverend Lovejoy

How's that door coming, Willie?

Groundskeeper Willie

Miracles are your department, Reverend.

Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?

Principal Skinner

[appears] Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. [closes the door and locks them in]

How are we going to get out of here?

And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?

Principal Skinner

[outside of the room] Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?

Groundskeeper Willie

Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.

Principal Skinner

Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.

Willie

Aye, sir. [under his breath] Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.

Willie

You're still not in your own world, Homer. I can get ya home, but you have to do exactly as I-- (jab) AAARRRGGGHHH!!! [collapses with an ax in his back; Maggie removes her pacifier]

Maggie

[In James Earl Jones's voice] This is, indeed, a disturbing universe.

Principal Skinner

[ominous] Destroy that balloon.

Groundskeeper Willie

Aye. [cocks a shotgun, shoots into the sky]

Tango 14, we're being fired at. I'm getting an exact ID on the bogey now.

Iraqis again. Launching sidewinder missile. [missile destroys the other plane] Missed him. Launching second sidewinder missile. [missile destroys his own plane]

[parachuting] This is what happens when you cut money out of the military and put it into health care!

[parachuting] It's a good program! Just give it a chance, that's all I ask.

Bart

Lunchlady Doris? What are you doing here?

Budget cuts. They've even got Groundskeeper Willie teaching French.

Groundskeeper Willie

Bun-jerrr, you cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!

Skinner

Uh-oh. Two independent thought alarms in one day. The students are overstimulated. Willie, remove all the colored chalk from the classrooms.

Willie

I WARNED YA!! Didn't I warn ya!? That colored chalk was forged by Lucifer himself!!