Professor Frink quotes from The Simpsons

Professor Frink

[comes running up holding a sign that says The Tomfoolery of Professor Frink] Uh, ah, uh, sorry I'm late. There was trouble at the lab with the running and the exploding and the crying. One of the monkeys stole the glasses off my head [end credits start] Uh, no wait, please no, please I have a funny story! I even wrote theme music! [sings] Professor Frink, Professor Frink. He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think. He likes to run and then the thing with the... um, person..... Oh boy, that monkey is going to pay.

Professor Frink

[thinking he fast forwarded the entire episode with his remote] Oh, I went too far. I've spoiled the whole show for everybody. I don't deserve to wield the remote.

Frink

Oh my God, Particle!

Frink

You used up all your clones you fat, fat, fat reckless, fat pig.

Oh, dear God, no!

Fortunately, we have a plan. Professor Frink?

Frink

Mu-hi. Good evening, ladies and—

Quit stalling! What's the plan?!

Frink

Alright, just take your seat, just take your seat. [removes cloth, to a scale model of Springfield] Now, working with former Carter-administration officials and military men who were forced into early retirement—for various reasons which we won't go here, okay?—we have planned this defense for the city. [flips switch] As the comet hurdles toward the city, our rocket will intercept it, and blow it to smithereens. Ma-hyvin! [explodes. Flames land onto Moe's bar]

Oh, dear God, no!

Hibbert

Homer, this is your physician, Dr. Julius Hibbert. Can you tell us what it's like in there?

Homer

Um, it's like, uh... did anyone see the movie Tron?

Hibbert

No.

Lisa

No.

Chief Wiggum

No.

Marge

No.

Bart

No.

Patty

No.

Chief Wiggum

No.

Ned

No.

Selma

No.

Frink

No.

Lovejoy

No.

Chief Wiggum

Yes. I no. I mean, no. No.

Lisa

Well, where's my dad?

Frink

Well, it should be obvious to even the most dim-witted individual who holds an advanced degree in hyperbolic topology, n'gee, that Homer Simpson has stumbled into... [lights off] the third di-mension.

Lisa

[switches the light on] Sorry.

Frink

[draws a square on the chalkboard] Here is an ordinary square.

Chief Wiggum

Whoa, whoa! Slow down, egghead.

Frank

But suppose we extend the square beyond the two dimensions of our universe... along the hypothetical "Z" axis there.

[gasps]

Frink

This forms a three-dimensional object known as a cube, or a "Frinkahedron," in honor of its discoverer, n-gl'hey, n'hey.

Homer

[in echo voice] Help me! Are you helping me? Or are you going on and on?

Frink

Oh, right. And, of course, within we find the doomed individual.

Chief Wiggum

Enough of your borax, Poindexter! A man's life is at stake. We need action!

Chief Wiggum

Take that, you lousy dimension!

Professor Frink

And these should give you the groundings you'll need in thermodynamics, hyperdmathematics, and of course, microbcalifragilistics.

Homer

Look I just want to know how to invent things, tell me.

Professor Frink

All you have to do is think of things that people need, but which don't exist yet.

Homer

You mean like an electric blanket-mobile?

Professor Frink

Well, possibly. Or you could take something that already exists and find a new use for it. Like...

Homer

Hamburger earmuffs.

Professor Frink

Well, I suppose that would qualify.

Homer

Thanks, sucker!

[Listening through an ear horn] Aw, I got nothing. How 'bout you, Frinky?

Frink

[Gets better signals through his ear horn] I have captured the signal and impressively triangulating the vectors. And compressing the data down in order to express it as a function of my hand. [Points to the billboard] They're over there!

Prof. Frink

Yes, over here, n'hey, n'hey. In episode BF12, you were battling barbarians while riding a winged Appaloosa, yet in the very next scene, my dear, you're clearly atop a winged Arabian. Please do explain it.

Ah, yeah, well, whenever you notice something like that, a wizard did it.

Frink

I see, all right, yes, but in episode AG4 —

Wizard.

Frink

[under breath] Aw, for glaven out loud.

Homer Simpson

Hey, what gives? He's not killing me!

Professor Frink

Ah-I'll tell you what gives, I'm afraid he is subject to Issac Asimov's Laws of Robotics, with the Sci-Fi, and the so many Books, not too many Good, my Robot is programmed never to harm Humans, you see, only to serve them.

Lisa

Professor Farnsworth, I'm dying to know how you got here. Was it a time machine?

Little girl, time machines are physical impossibilities. We teleported from a singularity that I quantum-entangled to Bender under the guise of fixing his collar.

Professor Frink

Yes, but how did Bender get here?

With a time machine.

Lisa

But you just said that—

Sample's ready!

Hey, Professor, I didn't know you worked here at the plant!

Professor Frink

I consult! Sometimes they listen, sometimes not. People have died... [whispering] You didn't hear that from me!

So, who are you here with?

Professor Frink

Well, no one as yet. But I haven't turned on the old Frink charm! [to a woman] Hello there. vo-ivy. [she ignores him and enters the reactor core room, making Frank sad] Well, there's, uh... no mistaking that message.

Kent Brockman

Professor, what danger does this concussion threat truly pose?

Professor Frink

Uh... Well, Kent, these children will need their brains unbruised for the demanding, high-tech jobs of the future: polishing and buffing our robot masters.

Kent Brockman

Indeed. And here to defend youth football, we have Nelson's dad.

Are you wearing makeup?

Kent Brockman

Is it worth the risk to your son's health when only point 1% of youth football players make it to the pros?

You saying my boy doesn't have what it takes to play pro ball? Huh! Boy, show him your moves! Juke it, juke it!