The Simpsons · Season 8
What I'm trying to say is--
You're what, selling light bulbs? Worried about the whales? Keen on Jesus? Out with it!
Well Mr. Burns, I'm your son! [Mr. Burns is shocked, Larry looks at his foot] Oh, and I stepped on one of your peacocks. You got a paper towel?
I should've known you were the only one stupid enough to kidnap you! Now get down here so I can spank you in front of this gawking rabble. Smithers, take off my belt.
With pleasure, sir.
Oh, we've got to find a place to hide.
The abandoned warehouse! [they enter the warehouse. Inside, people are busily working] D'oh! Stupid economic recovery.
[Larry Burns is sitting at the buffet, like it's his own dinner table]
Pull up a seat Pops, you too Chuckles. The food ain't great, but the portions are terrific.
[The insulted chef glowers at him]
Hey I'm kiddin'. Give my regards to Mrs. Boyardee.
Hey, I got a wife an' kids. Oh, that reminds me. They're probably wondering where I am. I told 'em I was going out for coffee. [Quickly looks at his watch] That was a week ago.
Are you wearing a grocery bag?
[dignified fashion] I have misplaced my pants.
Maison Derrière? I can't believe there's a place like that in our wholesome little town! Homer, did you know there was a burlesque house that you sent Bart to work there?
[The citizens of Springfield are watching slides that show Maison Derriere's clients]
[Slide of Dr. Hibbert]
Julius!
[Slide of Chief Wiggum]
Clancy!
[Slide of Skinner]
Skinner?
Seymour!
Mother...
[Slide of Patty]
[off-screen] Patty?
[Slide of Cletus]
Cletus!
[Slide of Barney, to which nobody reacts]
... Oh, uh... Barney.
[Slide of Chief Wiggum]
Clancy!
Hey, come on, you did me twice.
[Slide of Smithers]
Smithers?
My... my parents insisted I give it a try, sir.
[Slide of Quimby, wearing a "Mayor" sash]
Mayor Quimby!
Uh, well, that could be any mayor.
I rest my case.
Er, uh, well... eh, in light of these new facts, of which I now realize I was largely aware, I must take action. All in favor of demolishing our beloved burlesque house, raise your hands.
[Homer storms into the Maison Derriere's main hall to give Belle a piece of his mind]
Hey Bart is my son and I don't want him working [a strip tease show begins in the background] so... late.
Oh I agree, kids need rules and boundaries.
[mesmerized by the show] Yes, everyone loves rules.
It's so hard to be a parent today. Why with all the gangs, and the drugs.
Oh yea drugs, drugs, ya gotta have drugs. [walks in to watch the show]
Hey, he didn't pay the cover.
Oh Bart, he's your father... We'll comp him tonight and start a tab tomorrow.
You could close down Moe's or the Kwik-E-Mart
And nobody would care
But the heart and soul of Springfield's inn
Our Maison Derrière...
We're the sauce on your steak
We're the cheese in your cake
We put the spring in Springfield
We're the lace on the nightgown
The point after touchdown
Yes, we put the spring in Springfield
We're that little extra spice that makes existence extra-nice
A giddy little thrill at a reasonable price
Our only major quarrel's with your total lack of morals
Our skimpy costumes ain't so bad
They seem to entertain your dad!
The gin in your martini
The clams on your linguine
Yes, we put the (BOING!!) in Springfield
We remember our first visit
The service was exquisite
Why Joseph, I had no idea!
Come on now, you were working here
Without it we'd have had no fun since March of 1961!
To shut it down now would be twisted
We just heard this place existeeeeed!
We're the highlights in your hairdo
The extra arms on Vishnu
So don't take the (BWONG!!)
We won't take the (VUUEH!!)
Yes, let's be the (DON!!)
In Springfieeeeeld!
(SPLAT!! DAHK!! BONG!! WOOGA!! KRRRE!! EHURP!!)
Hey, Van Houten, I heard your folks broke up.
Aren't you gonna say, "Ha-ha"?
Oh, by no means. [sits down]: My dad left my mom after she got hooked on cough drops. By the end [voice breaks], her breath was so fresh...she wasn't really my mother anymore.
Oh, so I guess I'm not alone.
Ah, you'll do fine. My divorce was tough on my kid [slides over and reveals a child who bears a strong resemblance to Kearney], but he got over it.
I sleep in a drawer.
Singles life is great, Homer. I can do whatever I want. Today I drank a beer in the bathroom.
The one down the hall.
Yeah! And another great thing, you get your own bed. I sleep in a racing car, do you?
I sleep in a big bed with my wife.
Oh. Yeah.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
