Moe Szyslak quotes from The Simpsons

Money get ya one more round

You go through life, you try be nice to people, you resist the urge to punch 'em in the face, and for what? For some pimply little puke to treat you like dirt! Well, I'm better than dirt! Well... most kinds of dirt. I mean, not that fancy store-bought dirt. That stuff's loaded with nutrients. I... I can't compete with that stuff.

[as he enters the bar, carrying a jug of green rat poison] Listen up! This is the busiest drinking day of the year. Where are the designated drivers? [Two men raise their hands]. BEAT IT! I got no room for cheapskates.

Science! What has science ever done for us? TV off. [TV turns off]

It's been four years since my last date with a whatchoo-call-it, uh, woman.

[scoffs] Bye weeks. Bronko Nagurski didn't get no bye weeks, and now he's dead! [pause] Well... maybe they're a good thing.

Homer stole our rock performers! That fat, dumb, and bald guy sure plays some real hardball.

And "penis" is Russian for?

[on radio, to tune of "More, More, More"]

Maybe this is a sign. Maybe it's time for me to get out of the alcohol business, give barber college another try. And this time, I won't join a frat! [Looks around, realizes no one is there] Who the hell am I talking to?

[holding a limb leg during the chase] To repeat what I said a moment ago: you are so dead!

[emerging from "Adult Video section"] Oh yeah. Brideshead's gonna get revisited tonight, baby!

Looks like me and Marge are both going to hell. That's when I'll make my move.

[retelling the story of his tragic romance with Edna] I was the happiest guy in the world, but fate likes to play a little game called 'Up Yours, Moe.'

[to a decapitated popsicle stick head] No-no-no, save your energy. Don't try to talk.