Sideshow Mel[Narrating] Lisa didn't know it then, but she had just dipped her toe into the business of show! And it is a business, as you shall find out in about three seconds. Two... One...
[The show cuts to commercial.]
Played by Dan Castellaneta
The Simpsons · 3,477 quotes
In 13 of the 3,477 quotes from The Simpsons
Most scenes with: Homer Simpson (4), Moe Szyslak (3), Marge Simpson (2)
Lines by Sideshow Mel 3
Sideshow MelSideshow MelApplause is an addiction, like heroin or checking your e-mail.
Sideshow MelI'd pay a fortune for that app! $1.99!
Scenes with Sideshow Mel 10
[Sting leads a song for Timmy O'Toole]
SSting
There's a hole in my heart, as deep as a well,
For that poor little boy who's stuck halfway to Hell...
Sideshow MelThough we can't get him out, we'll do the next best thing...
We'll go on TV and sing, sing, sing!
AAll
And we're sending our love down the well...
ALL THE WAY DOWN!!!
AAll
We're sending our love down the well...
DOWN THAT WELL!!!!
Sideshow MelI can't bear this any longer, I'm leaving.
MMoe
Yeah, but not before me you ain't. [He storms out]
Now now, there's plenty exits for everyone!
MMoe
Oh, that's it, you're dead, pal! [Puts Flanders into a headlock]
Hey now, that's uncalled for.
Shut your hole Skinner!
[Lenny punches Principal Skinner in the stomach, knocking him into the aisle stairway. He collides with Barney's beer tray, spilling it. Barney, enraged, runs headfirst into the increasingly large number of people fighting on the stairs, knocking and bowling them over. Meanwhile, a group of Scottish men watching the game stare bored at nothing in particular].
Ach! They call this a soccer riot? Come on, boys, let's take 'em to school!
[The men, rolling up their sleeves, start to pound anyone who comes near them. It's not long before the entire stadium is embroiled in a violent riot, from people getting tackled to Groundskeeper Willie's soccer hooligan friends hitting people with pipes to two East Asian guys in karate robes kicking each other in the face to Nelson sitting on Milhouse and pulling his leg back as Milhouse screams and cries. The Simpsons stand next to their seats.]
Homer, we've got to get out of here!
Ooh, but I want to do some rioting. [pushes one of the Scotsmen]
SScotsman
[turns to face Homer, screaming] JOBBERS COBKNOTS, YA MUCKER!! [pulls out a crowbar]
All done! [runs off]
MMoe
[at an NRA meeting] So last night I was closing up the bar, when some young punk comes in and tries to stick me up.
Sideshow MelWhatever did you do, Moe?
MMoe
Well, it coulda been a real ugly situation but, luckily, I managed to shoot him in the spine.
[Audience cheers and applauds]
MMoe
Yeah. I guess the next place he robs better have a ramp!
Sideshow MelYou only live once!
AApu
Hey, speak for yourself!
Well, Homer, your hunger strike lasted 12 amazing days.
Oh, me so hungy.
Of course you are, Hungry Hungry Homer. So why not break your fast with our brand new Isotope Dog Supreme?
[Smells the hot dog]. Oh, so hard to resist. Mesquite-grilled onions, jalapeño relish... Wait a minute, those are South Western ingredients! [The crowd gasps]. Mango-lime salsa? That's the kind of bold flavour they enjoy in... [Grabs the microphone]. Albuquerque!
[The crowd gasps even more.]
He's right.
MMoe
Yeah, and the wrapper says Albuquerque Isotopes
Sideshow MelHomer was right, they're planning to move the team!
[Everyone starts getting angry at Howard.]
Now, now, see here, people. Let's not be too hasty.
Tell the truth! Come on, everybody!
CCrowd
Tell the truth! Tell the truth!
Get him out of here!
[Duffman proceeds to get Homer out of the fields.]
Don't listen to him, Duffman. For once in your life, stand up for the little guy.
[Duffman repeatedly turns to Howard and Homer].
New feelings brewing in Duffman! What would Jesus do?
I dream of an America with nudity and F-words on network TV. Where the whole world doesn't stop because a school bus did. Children are the future... today belongs to me!
MCMeeting Crowd
[with their fists raised] YAY!
You can’t change the rules in the middle of the game! We never would've had these kids if we thought we had to pay for them. Promises were made!
Hey, tough tortellini! I am a-sick and a-tired of printing a-children's menu! Let Mickey Meatball find his own way out of the maze! [spits] Apooey!
MelWe're sick and tired of buying overpriced tickets for your lousy school plays!
Then how would we ever get to see Camelot?!
MelWe'll merely watch the movie on tape!
Hmm..., is that better? Well, to me, Ralph Wiggum is Sir Lancelot.
[singing] If ever I would leave you, it wouldn't be in summer!
MCMeeting Crowd
BOOOOOOOOOO!
Ladies and Gentlemen! Let's kill every child... FRIENDLY THING IN TOWN!!!!!!!!!!!
MCMeeting Crowd
[As they were dismissed to take actions] YAY!
It's time to put away my childish things... [in a deep voice] ...and become a man!
AAnnouncer
And he sends one into the slug-o-sphere. It's going...going...
[the ball flies into the Duff blimp, which then starts deflating]
[Homer jumps from the blimp, then lands next to Sideshow Mel]
Sideshow MelMy sister's friend!
[Homer runs from the blimp just as it runs out of helium]
BBuck
Tabitha! Tabitha! Oh, this is the worst blimp crash ever.
[laughing hysterically] Quit it! [The audience starts laughing at Bart] Knock it off! Stop it! Dad, this isn't funny! [Bart pees his pants and Homer stops tickling Bart]
Sideshow Mel[pointing at the Jumbotron with his stadium cheering glove] The child has wetted his trousers! [The audience burst out laughing]
[holding his crotch embarrassed] Dad, how could you do that? The whole audience saw me pee my pants!
Son, I'm really, really sorry.
She's completely cooked. Unlike the children she brought to the potluck.
RLRev. Lovejoy
Oh, Helen is a bitter as the lemonade she brought to the potluck. What a terrible potluck that was.
Sideshow MelWhy wasn't this a town hall event? I like to see them balance on the stools.
S29 The Old Blue Mayor She Ain't What She Used to Be
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Thanks to Lisa Simpson's tireless and tiresome advocacy, Springfield will now be providing free LED light bulbs to every household.
I can use the money I save to pay for these louder bullets!
Sideshow MelI applaud Springfield for finally embracing a progressive idea.
Whoa, Nelly! It's a progressive idea? Well, now I hate it.
S36 Treehouse of Horror XXXV
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