SStockbroker
Homer, it's your stockbroker. Your stock in the powerplant just went up for the first time in 10 years.
I own stock!
SStockbroker
Yes, all the employees got some in exchange for waiving certain constitutional rights.
S3Burns Verkaufen der Kraftwerk
HHorst
Attention workers, we have completed our evaluation of the plant. We regret to announce the following lay-offs, which I will read in alphabetical order...Simpson, Homer. That is all.
[Burns buys back his power plant from the Germans]
This is my offer, I think you'll find it's most unfair, but those are the breaks.
FFritz
But, uh, Mr. Burns, zhis is half of vhat we paid you!
That's my final offer. Take it or leave it!
HHorst
All right, Mr. Burns, you vin. [frowning darkly] But bevare - ve Germans aren't all smiles und sunshine...
[mockingly] Oooh, the Germans are mad at me! I'm so scared! Oooh, the Germans! [ducks behind Smithers, who can't help snickering] Uh-oh, the Germans are coming to get me!
HHorst
Stop it.
Stop, sir.
Oh, don't let the Germans come after me!
Please stop zhe "pretending you are scared" game, please.
Oh no, the Germans are coming after me...!
FFritz
Stop it.
[pauses briefly, then resumes] Oh no! They're so big and strong...!
Stop it.
HHorst
Stop it, Mr. Burns.
Please stop pretending you are scared of us, please, now.
Oh, protect me from the Germans! The Germans--
HHorst
BURNS, STOP IT!
S3I Married Marge
[Marge is doing some accounting]
[enters with his latest purchase] Marge, look at this! A baby monitor! [into the monitor] Baby to Marge. Baby to Marge. Waa! Waa! Over.
Homer, I don't know how we can afford all these things on your salary.
[looks out the window and sees the Power Plant] Hey, why don't I apply at the Nuclear Power Plant. I hear they pay pretty well!
I don't know. I heard radiation can make you sterile.
Pfft. Now you tell me!
[Homer runs into the delivery room after Marge has gone into labor]
Marge! Marge, where's the baby?!
[pointing to Marge's belly] Right where you left it!
Shut up!
[stands up and stares down Homer] Hey listen, fat boy!
[furious] NO, YOU LISTEN! This is my wife, and this is my kid, and I'm paying for this delivery, so if you wanna stay, you'd better show me some respect!
Homer, does this mean...?
Starting tomorrow, I'm a nuclear technician!
[horrified] Good God!
[to a small Bart being born, burns tie] Why, you little...! He did that on purpose!
How could he? He's only 10 minutes old!
S3Radio Bart
Bart, I bet you think nothing's gonna top that cactus. Well, check out my present.
Next.
Bart, be polite.
Next, please.
Bart, I've noticed...your birthday presents are a poor crop at best. [picks up a present] I hope this turns the tide.
[Bart opens his present]
Ooh, just gorgeous.
Now we can be twins.
[Bart plays his first prank with the Superstar Celebrity Microphone. The victim is Homer]
[on radio] People of Earth, this is Bartron, commander of the Martian invasion force. Your planet is in our hands. Resistance is useless. [Homer screams, runs out of the kitchen, and fetches a shotgun] We have captured your President. He was delicious!
[turns red in anger] Why, you little... [strangles Bart, then stops, turns his face normal] Wait a minute. Does this mean you like my present?
Uh-huh.
[Sting leads a song for Timmy O'Toole]
SSting
There's a hole in my heart, as deep as a well,
For that poor little boy who's stuck halfway to Hell...
Though we can't get him out, we'll do the next best thing...
We'll go on TV and sing, sing, sing!
AAll
And we're sending our love down the well...
ALL THE WAY DOWN!!!
AAll
We're sending our love down the well...
DOWN THAT WELL!!!!
[Homer and Marge are on TV being interviewed by Kent Brockman.]
So, it seems we've all been victims of a cruel hoax, masterminded by a 10-year old hooligan. The time has come for finger-pointing, and most of them are squarely aimed at the boy's parents.
It's not our fault! We didn't want the boy, he was an accident!
HOMER!
Sorry. Uh...could you edit that last part out?
Mr. Simpson, we're live, coast-to-coast.
D'oh!
[to Marge, about Sting as a digger finding Bart] Marge, he's a good digger!
S3Lisa the Greek
[Homer just won another bet and is getting his latest winnings from Moe]
Hi, Moe. A beer...and A LOT OF BILLS!
MMoe
[laughs] Okay! [under breath] ...ya lucky moron. [takes one of his shoes off, shakes shoe empty, dollar bills come out] Here ya go, Homer. A hundred thirty-five dollars.
I used to hate the smell of your sweaty feet. [takes money, inhales deeply] Now, it's the smell of victory.
MMoe
Ah, shut up.
[The results of the first play of the Broncos vs. Patriots game are in]
All right, Denver. Justify my love.
SJSmooth Jimmy Apollo
At the end of thirteen seconds of play, it's New England seven, Denver nothing.
D'oh!
[walks into the room and blocks Homer's view, showing off her homemade Malibu Stacy apartment] Look, Dad! I made a modest studio apartment for my Malibu Stacy doll. This is the kitchen; this is where she prints her weekly feminist newsletter... [Homer, however, isn't paying attention to her] Dad, you're not listening to me!
Lousy, stupid Denver.
I pretend I'm interested in power tools...going to silly car-chase movies...and things I'll tell you when you're older. Do you understand?
I think so.
[Bart put his dish in the sink]
Bart!
What?
[After Homer explains that he and Lisa can't climb up Mt. Springfield]
What about Daddy-Daughter Day?
Don't worry, the new football season is only seven months away.
[betrayed] So that's it. You just wanted me to help you gamble. You never wanted to be with me at all!! [starts crying and goes to room]
[to Homer] You're a very selfish man.
[plays with a button that presses "Go to hell" three times] Once again, great present, Dad!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.