You're going down, Homer. I'm gonna fool you!
You talk better than you fool.
I'll fool you up real nice.
You couldn't fool your mother on the foolingest day of your life if you had an electrified fooling machine.
S4So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show
TATV Announcer
The following is a public service announcement. Excessive alcohol consumption can cause liver damage and cancer of the rectum.
Mmm… beer.
[While the thermostat is set to very high levels, Homer begins to open the can of beer Bart had shaken up with a paint mixer.]
April F- [an explosion of beer blows out the windows and roof of the Simpsons' house and takes the shape of a mushroom cloud, Lou and Chief Wiggum stop the police car.]
That sounded like an explosion at the old Simpson place.
Forget it! That's two blocks away.
[squints] Looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney.
[gets out of the car] I am proceeding on foot. Call in a Code 8.
[into radio as Wiggum runs towards the cloud] We need pretzels! Repeat, pretzels!
Mrs. Simpson, I'm afraid your husband is dead. [Simpson family gasps except for Marge, Bart and Lisa, laughs] April Fools. He's very much alive, although I'm afraid he may never walk again.
MMoe
I, uh, brought you a little present. [gives Homer a can of beer]
No. No! Beer bring pain!
I can't stand to see him like that this. [Shoves a pillow in Homer's face. He than lifts up a water fountain, throws it at a window, jumps out and runs away]
MMoe
He really needs a girlfriend.
Oh Marge. What if I wind up as some vegetable watching TV on the couch. My important work will never be completed.
Poor Homer. This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you.
[gargles] Rrraaahhh…
Ah! Kill it! Kill it!
Grampa, please, he's in a coma.
Coma? Pffft. Why, I go in and out of comas all the- [falls asleep, pauses, wakes up] French toast, please.
Is a coma painful?
Oh, heck no. You relive long lost summers, kiss girl from high school. It's like one of those TV shows where they show a bunch of clips from old episodes.
[bursts thru the ward] This man is costing my health plan $5000 a day! I demand that Joe die with dignity. [he plugs the plug]
Now, look, I'm the doctor here.
Well, I demand a second opinion.
[pops in] Hi, everybody!
AAll
Hi, Dr. Nick! [Nick pokes Homer's abdomen with a reflex hammer]
[squeaks] Mrrh.
Oh dear, I see no signs of life. Just to be safe, we better pull the plug.
Yoink!
Dad, it's all my fault. I shook up that can of beer. It was just an April Fools joke.
[Life support machine starts to change from showing Homer's life signs to outlines of Bart. His mouth begins to form a growl, his fingers twitch and his eyes slowly open in anger.]
[angrily turns red] Why, you little--!! [grabs Bart and proceeds to strangle him]
You lost 5% of your brain.
Me lose brain? Uh-oh! [Everyone including Homer laughs] Why I laugh?
[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]
S4The Front
[after watching the listless and boring Itchy & Scratchy episode "Dazed and Contused"]
[takes an angry puff from his cigarette] Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...[notices the cameras are on him]: Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
That's as bad as the tasteless "Itchy & Sambo" cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
Cartoons have writers?
Eh, sort of.
Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Probably not. [in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint] Lie in the snow and count to 60. [Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins] Hiyah! [laughs evilly as he flies into the distance] Merry Christmas, suckers!
HSHomer's Brain
This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
Oh, my God!
HSHomer's Brain
No, the other secret!
Marge, I never graduated from high school.
Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
Marge [concerned] And you're a nuclear technician?
Marge, ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay!
What did you say?
Homer [upset] I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
Marge [as she's going over the mail]: Third notice? Final notice? "Some guys are coming"?!
Grampa [typing a letter]: "Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot."
Grampa [as he's typing out a complaint letter]: "When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For shame. To the sickos at Modern Bride magazine..."
S4Whacking Day
[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]
Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
[appears] Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. [closes the door and locks them in]
How are we going to get out of here?
And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
[outside of the room] Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
Aye, sir. [under his breath] Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.
[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]
Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
I'm an old man. I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.
Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
GMrs. Glick
Snake did.
And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
BWBarry White
I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.