[Homer and Ned are about to collide with a silo]
We're gonna crash!
Do you have air bags?
No! The church opposes them for some reason!
S12Skinner's Sense of Snow
[After a salt silo gets knocked down caused by Homer and Ned]
What was that?
It sounded like a silo tipping over.
Look, the snow's melting! [Martin licks the melted snow]
With a little help from our friend, sodium chloride! [Nelson begins to punch him, and Nibbles, the hamster comes to Skinner, in a Gym Dodge ball sack]
You did it, Nibbles! Now, chew through my ball sack.
NNibbles
Huh? [Chalmers comes in a snow mobile]
Skinner!
Oh, Superintendent Chalmers!
What are you doing in that ridiculous duffel, Seymour? And is that burning literature I smell?
Uh- W-W-Well, sir, I, uh-
There'd better be a good explanation for this.
There is, sir.
Ah, then I'm happy. [He speeds away on a snow mobile]
We're trapped in the school!
[Kids scream]
We're gonna miss Christmas!
[Kids scream louder]
I fixed the DVD!
[Kids scream even louder]
Well, I see you Scotsmen are thrifty with courage, too!
OK Skinner, that's the last time you'll slap your Willie around. I quit!
Fine, I'll do the job myself.
S12HOMЯ
DDoctor
Mr. Simpson, this procedure could drastically increase your brain power, or it could possibly kill you.
Hmmm... Increase my killing power, eh? Let's do it!
[Homer is checking his stocks on the phone, using an automated system that responds to the name of the corporation with the stock results]
VVoice
For automated stock prices, please state the company name.
Animotion.
VVoice
Animotion: up one and one eighth.
Yahoo!
VVoice
Yahoo!: up six and a quarter.
Huh, what is this crap?
VVoice
Fox Broadcasting: down eight.
[Homer grins smugly]
MSMale Scientist
I'm sorry, Mr. Simpson, we don't play God here!
That's preposterous! You do nothing but play God, and I think your octoparrot would agree!
OOctoparrot
[squawks] Ark! Polly shouldn't be! [whistles]
[Marge is reassuring Lisa about the missing crayon]
Sweetheart, a missing crayon could be anywhere.
[crashes through the window] Who wants lottery tickets?
Okay, it's in his brain.
So you all hate me?
That's right, brainiac. You cost us our jobs, which we need for working.
Not to mention driving to.
MMoe
And I was a lot happier before I knew Dame Edna was a man. A lot happier.
You ain't welcome here no more, smart boy.
Hmm. I'm detecting a distinct strain of anti-intellectualism in this tavern.
MMoe
Power off, Einstein.
S12Pokey Mom
JJack
Uh, which way's Mecca, I need to pray.
[confused] Mecca? Uh...
JJack
[chuckles] I'm just kidding. I'm Jewish.
So how was it in the slammer?
Terrific. Bart, Sideshow Bob says he'll be seeing you real soon.
[Chuckles] That Bob.
S12Worst Episode Ever
Young man, you've had what we call a cardiac episode.
Worst Episode Ever.
Oh, not even close. If these boys hadn't called 911, I'd be wearing that watch right now! [chuckles] Just kidding. But you would be dead.
[to Bart] You saved my life?
Yeah. After you were so mean to us.
So now we're even.
My prognosis - or is it diagnosis? Whichever. You need to avoid stress. Now what kind of work do you do?
I run a comic book store.
[gasps] Oh dear Lord! We call that profession the "widow-maker"! Or we would, if any of the proprietors were married.
[Ralph enters the "Adults Only" section of the Android's Dungeon.]
Everybody's hugging!
MMoe
[seeing Comic Book Guy] Hey, Homer, who's the manatee?
[The bar patrons laugh]
Aw, now be nice, Moe. This guy just got out of the hospital.
MMoe
Oh, sorry. Uh, let me buy you a drink.
Very well. I'll have a shot of cranberry schnapps. [indicates the bottles behind Moe]
MMoe
[laughs awkwardly] Uh, these, uh, they're just painted on there. [pats the flat wall] Your choices are beer and, uh, egg soakings. [takes out egg jar]
I'll pass. Beer is the nectar of the nitwit.
Hey, you knockin' beer?
Nobody badmouths Duff! [breaks a Duff bottle against the counter, causing it to break] Ah, piece of crap!
Come on, you're here to make friends.
Oh, please. If I wanted to hear mindless droning, I'd befriend an air conditioner.
MMoe
Oh, now he's ragging on air conditioners!
Hey, they keep us cool in the summer, pal!
GET HIM!
[Cut to Moe, Carl and Lenny throwing Comic Book Guy out the front door]
MMoe
And stay out! [they go back inside]
Is there a word in Klingon for "loneliness"? [checks book] Ah, yes: Gar-dacchk!
S12Tennis the Menace
It'll be nice to entertain friends and have people over.
Hey ya got a tennis court?
Keep walking Flanders.
Will do.
Faster!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.