The Simpsons · Season 12
That's game set and match, but the real winner here are Marge's hors d'oeuvres.
Wow, how do you come up with such witty remarks?
[nervous laughing] Well... [Zoom's in on Brockman's ear piece, static is heard]
[Shows a car outside where two writers are typing]
Come on hurry up. [Writer 2 gives him a newly typed note] I guess you could say it's my racket.
I guess you could say I'm Iraqi.
[gasps] [threatening tone] Get off my property.
Dad, you are just going through a classic Oedipal anxiety. You remember the story of Oedipus, don't you?
Maybe five bucks will refresh my memory...
[groaning] Oedipus killed his father and married his mother!
God! Who pays for that wedding?!
I think it's good for a show to retire before it gets old and stale.
[walks in tired] Maggie shot Mr. Burns again!
[the family stares blankly at Smithers]
Sideshow Bob is trying to hypnotize Bart
You are in my power.
I am at your command.
I didn't say anything about command. If you are in my power, say so.
I am in your power.
Excellent. Actually, go back to command. No... power, power!
Rakes! My old archenemy.
I thought I was your archenemy?
I have a life outside of you, Bart.
Ah, Krusty, this is your Waterloo. Soon you'll be Napoleon Blownaparte!
Ugh, terrible!
Oh, hush up, Leo.
Who are you?
Aw, you'll find out in due time.
[reading an ID badge hanging from the mirror] Well, it says here your name is L. T. Smash.
The time has come. I'm L. T. Smash.
I want you to meet and greet the other members of the Party Posse. He's smart, he's soulful, he's Milhouse!
[someone spins a chair around to reveal Milhouse, with a new haircut and hipper clothing]
What up, G-money?
Next: He'll break your nose, your glasses, and your heart - Nelson.
[spins chair to reveal Nelson]
Wait, these are just guys from school. Who's next, Ralph Wiggum?
[spins his own chair around] Whee! I'm a pop sensation!
[Lisa takes off a '.' sticker on L.T. Smash's name sign and gasps]
Lt. Smash!
Yeah, that's right. Lt. L.T. Smash.
How could you ruin the good name of Star Blitzzz! Productions?
It's a three-pronged attack. Subliminal, liminal, and super liminal.
Super liminal?
I'll show you.... [Shouts out the window at Lenny and Carl] HEY YOU! Join the navy!
Yeah, alright.
I'm in!
Say, before you leave, Homer, why don't you try our newest product? We've developed an additive that makes Duff beer super, super malty.
[Suspicious] Will this erase my memory?
No, of course not.
[Homer goes to drink, then is syringed by Duffman. He collapses]
[sipping the beer]. Man, this IS malty. But he'll never know!
[Duff and Duffman laugh maniacally]
[Homer's protest song]
Homer [weakly]: Dancing away my hunger pangs
Moving my feet so my stomach won't hurt
I'm kinda like Jesus
But not in the sacrilegious way
[Nighttime, day 9 of his hunger strike, an emaciated Homer sits in his chair and weakly waves his sign as the crowd cheers the game.]
Oh, I'm so hungry. Oh, why keep starving myself? No one cares!
[Homer spots a stray pretzel not too far from him. Desperately, he falls to his hands and knees and crawls toward the pretzel, only to stop when it gets stepped on by the foot of a ghostly figure.]
Who are you?
The spirit of César Chávez.
Why do you look like César Romero?
Because you don't know what César Chávez looks like.
Why are you here?
To tell you not to give up.
Oh, but I wanna!
[From the main office, Howard K. Duff and his assistants watch Homer talking to thin air.]
He's talking to himself, sir.
And his smell is distracting the center fielder.
Hmm, yeah, this is getting sad. Let's bring him in.
[The next morning, Homer is snoring when Duff's assistants unchain him and grab his arms]
Okay, skinny, on your feet.
Huh? What's happening? Did I crush your evil plan?
No, you're being replaced.
[The crowd boos as Homer is escorted away.]
And now, taking over for Hungry, Hungry Homer, let's welcome Paint-Drinking Pete!
[The eponymous Pete cheerfully walks onto the field and holds up a bucket of blue paint before downing it. As he falls to the ground, choking and spasming, the crowd cheers]
[The day after Homer has been moved to the stadium, a game is played while Homer runs from side to side, waving his sign 'Hungry For The Truth!'.]
Folks, it's time to meet a real super-fan: Hungry, Hungry Homer! He's on a hunger strike 'til the 'Topes win the pennant!
[The crowd cheers.]
What? No! That's not the reason! They're moving the team to Albuquerque!
That's right, folks, go, 'Topes!
[The crowd cheers again. Homer slumps into his chair.]
Oh, all this hunger for nothing!
Get your Duck!! Fresh, crispy Peking Duck!
Hey, duck man! Over here!
[Vendor throws Otto a duck]
[eating] Mmmm. [almost orgasmically] Mmmmmm!
[Homer suddenly picks up every sound the crowd makes while eating their snacks.]
Do they have to chew so loud?!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
