Comic Book Guy quotes from The Simpsons

Comic Book Guy

Oh! It appears I will have to find a new Fortress of Solitude.

Comic Book Guy

[to Homer] Hey, Nostra-dumbass, did the Rapture come? I can't recall. In fact, I can recall, and it didn't and you suck.

Comic Book Guy

And that is why The Lord of the Rings can never be filmed!

Comic Book Guy

[after the data is comprised and it's down] Time to get a life.

Comic Book Guy

Worst climbing Everest!

Comic Book Guy

I cannot hide the snide inside!

Comic Book Guy

The closest thing I have to a father is the Obi-Wan doll in my store, and he comes from a race of celibate knights so...

Comic Book Guy

Nerds don't get girls!

Comic Book Guy

Since I met Kumiko, strangely, comic books no longer seem so important. I will also be selling greeting cards. And, every day, I will give one to Kumiko in commemoration of today with the salutation, "Best... Day... Ever."

Comic Book Guy

As an adult who surrounds himself with child's toys, I represent the part of your psyche that prefers this artificial world!

Comic Book Guy

Tell you what. I'm gonna show you something very special if you promise to put your grubby little hands behind your back and keep 'em there. [opens a metal suitcase] Behold!

Bart

Wow! Radioactive Man #1!

Comic Book Guy

None other!

Bart

It must be worth a million bucks...

Comic Book Guy

It is, my lad. But I'll let you have it for $100, because you remind me of me.

Lisa

Two-hundred and fifty dollars? But I need that record to honor the memory of Bleeding Gums Murphy!

Comic Book Guy

He's dead? Well, why didn't you say so?

Bart

I'd like to buy a copy of Bonestorm. Here's 99 cents.

Comic Book Guy

[sighs] Allow me to summarize the proposed transaction. You wish to purchase Bonestorm for 99 cents. Net profit to me: negative 59 dollars. [opens the cash register] Please take my 59 dollars, I don't want it, it's yours. [Bart reaches forward to take the cash.] Eh-eh-eh--! Seeing as you are unfamiliar with sarcasm, I shall close the cash register at this point, and state that 99 cents is the rental price.

Bart

Then may I please rent it, please?

Comic Book Guy

No, you may not. I am all out, though I do have a surprising abundance of Lee Carvallo's Putting Challenge.

Bart

Boy, I sure could go for a hundred tacos right about now.

Marge

No! [yanks Bart. Comic Book Guy exits with a wheelbarrow full of tacos]

Comic Book Guy

Yes, this should provide adequate sustenance for the Doctor Who marathon.

Comic Book Guy

Last night's Itchy & Scratchy was, without a doubt, the worst episode ever! Rest assured that I was on the Internet within minutes registering my disgust throughout the world.

Bart

Hey, I know it wasn't great, but what right do you have to complain?

Comic Book Guy

As a loyal viewer, I feel they owe me.

Bart

What? They've given you thousands of hours of entertainment for free. What could they possibly owe you? I mean, if anything, you owe them!

Comic Book Guy

[pause] Worst Episode Ever.