The Simpsons quotes

Marge

Look, can you please just tell us why you changed the flightpaths?

Uh, look, they were changed because a disturbed local wildlife and their mating rituals.

Vote Quimby, vote Quimby, vote Quimby, vote Quimby! Ohh... [inside] Without those noisy planes, I can finally hear my kitten purr.

[in a high-pitched, screechy voice] Thanks a million, Joe. You're the swellest!

[shocked] That's your voice?! Now I regret building you that opera house!

Marge

There has to be a solution which pleases everyone. From ducks and trees, to you's and me's.

[angry] Are you threatening a government official?

Marge

No!

Good! Because we're the government! We make the laws, we print the money and we breed the super soldiers. So go home, learn to live with it, pay your taxes, and remember, you didn't hear anything about super soldiers.

Marge

The shaking's so bad, all my omelettes have become frittatas.

That's the saddest story I've heard in my 75 years of public office. It makes my blood boil, and my left arm feel numb. Also I taste copper. [groans and collapses from a heart attack]

Marge

Quick! Someone perform CPR!

Homer

[singing] I see bad moon rising...

Marge

That's CCR.

Homer

Uh, [singing] looks like we're in for nasty weather...

Cletus

I like that clown. He's really lookin' out for me, the average Joe-Six Tooth.

Brandine

Where'd you get yourself another tooth?

Cletus

Sidewalk.

Maggie

[starts drinking Homer's beer]

Marge

Maggie, give me that! [takes the beer away from her]

I say Phantom Menace sucked more!

Carl

I say Attack of the Clones sucked more!

Homer

All my life I've had one dream: to achieve my many goals.

Homer

[after getting thrown out of the striptease class] Aw, nobody loves Oily Homer.

Mr. Burns

So the caterpillar has emerged from its cocoon as a shark, with a gun for a mouth.

Lisa

Now we nearly put this switch to "Overload". And once we do we'll be breaking the law. Can good truly come from civil disobedience? Gandhi thought so and—[cut off by Bart]

Bart

Gandhi also said, "Less talk, more rock." [Pulls the switch beyond "Overload"]

Uh-oh. All of the lights are out. We need to get the entire force working on this.

Officer Lou

But Chief, we are the entire force.

Okay, we got to start recruiting, Lou.

Homer

I wish God were alive to see this.

Homer

Puzzle piece, come out and play-ay!

Lisa

Mom, I know Dad cares about you, but his feelings are really hurt. Why don't you just say you're sorry?

Marge

Lisa, marriage is a beautiful thing, but it's also a constant battle for moral superiority. So I can't apologize.

Bart

Couldn't you just say you're sorry and not mean it? I do it all the time: I don't think I ever meant it.

Marge

Bart, that's not right.

Bart

Sorry, Mom... See? It's that easy.

Homer

What a well kept street, and there sure are a lot of gay bookstores for a straight neighborhood. Bet these guys never had any kids.

Homer

I'm sorry I'm late. The velvet mafia made me a margarita I couldn't refuse.

Marge

Goodbye, Homer! I try to save our marriage and you just get drunk and spend the night with your homosexual boyfriends! [greeting each person on her way down the stairs] Reverend Lovejoy, Mrs. Lovejoy, Principal Skinner, Duffman.