[saw the Swear Jar is about to fall off the fridge] No! Not the Swear Jar!
“Mr. Spritz Goes to Washington” · Season 14
In this episode: Marge Simpson (5), Homer Simpson (1), Mr. Burns (1), Krusty the Clown (1), Maggie Simpson (1), Cletus (1), Joe Quimby (1), Brandine (1)
Just one thing, are you guys good at covering youthful and middle aged indiscretions?
Are these indiscretions romantic, financial or treasonous?
Russian hooker, you tell me.
Oh, no problem. We'll say you were on a fact-finding mission!
I did find out one fact; she was a guy!
Look, can you please just tell us why you changed the flightpaths?
AOAirport official
Uh, look, they were changed because a disturbed local wildlife and their mating rituals.
[Cut to Ye Old Off-Ramp Inn, where Mayor Quimby is heard inside having sex]
Vote Quimby, vote Quimby, vote Quimby, vote Quimby! Ohh... [inside] Without those noisy planes, I can finally hear my kitten purr.
WWoman
[in a high-pitched, screechy voice] Thanks a million, Joe. You're the swellest!
[shocked] That's your voice?! Now I regret building you that opera house!
There has to be a solution which pleases everyone. From ducks and trees, to you's and me's.
AOAirport official
[angry] Are you threatening a government official?
No!
AOAirport official
Good! Because we're the government! We make the laws, we print the money and we breed the super soldiers. So go home, learn to live with it, pay your taxes, and remember, you didn't hear anything about super soldiers.
The shaking's so bad, all my omelettes have become frittatas.
CHCongressman Horace Wilcox
That's the saddest story I've heard in my 75 years of public office. It makes my blood boil, and my left arm feel numb. Also I taste copper. [groans and collapses from a heart attack]
Quick! Someone perform CPR!
[singing] I see bad moon rising...
That's CCR.
Uh, [singing] looks like we're in for nasty weather...
I like that clown. He's really lookin' out for me, the average Joe-Six Tooth.
Where'd you get yourself another tooth?
Sidewalk.
[starts drinking Homer's beer]
Maggie, give me that! [takes the beer away from her]
[Maggie burps]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.