[While being attacked by beavers] No! I wanted to die choking on food!
S14Dude, Where's My Ranch?
Look at those city slickers with their stupid fur coats and pointy hats.
Homer, those are elk.
I still hate them. Go back to Grosse Pointe!
MMoe
[on radio, to tune of "More, More, More"]
Moe, Moe, Moe
How do you like me? How do you like me?
Moe, Moe, Moe
Why don't you like me? Nobody likes me...
S14Old Yeller Belly
Don't worry son, I'll build you a new treehouse--One so grand it'll be an affront to God himself.
Can it have a ladder you can pull up after you?
Only if it's an affront to God.
Oh, thank God, the dog's here. Pull me free, boy.
I used to think cats were just for losers who live in apartments, until my life was saved by this sweet little kitty. [Meow] [pissed off at Santa's Little Helper] Ooh, but as for you, Santa's Little Helper, you are a selfish coward and a bad dog! [Santa's Little Helper whines] Get out... AND STAY OUT!
Move the net under the window.
There's no net.
[falling] AAGH! OOF!
S14Brake My Wife, Please
I'll never mock the Coast Guard again. You Navy rejects are all right.
Mr Simpson, give me your license.
[Homer groans and hands it over. Judge Harm uses a miniature guillotine to slice the license in half. The license is then fed to two dogs.]
Burn their poop.
MMoe
Maybe this is a sign. Maybe it's time for me to get out of the alcohol business, give barber college another try. And this time, I won't join a frat! [Looks around, realizes no one is there] Who the hell am I talking to?
Psst. Bishop to Queen-4.
OMOld Man
We're playing Dominoes.
I said Bishop to Queen-4.
S14Bart of War
TATV Announcer
Next on Comedy Central, an all new South Park!
I hear those kids' voices are done by grown ups.
Hey, there’s nothing wrong with that. I just wonder how they keep it so fresh after 43 episodes?
[In the South Park episode, the kids are at a rock concert]
SStan
I can't believe we paid to see a band with Steve Guttenberg, Calista Flockhart, and Farty The Crippled Robot!
FFarty
[a robot with a guitar sitting in a wheelchair] Look who's in my fart: O. J.!
[Farty produces a fart cloud that disappears, leaving O. J. Simpson in its place]
OJO. J.
[holds up a knife] I'm gonna kill you all!
[O. J. decapitates Farty, who inexplicably bleeds red blood, before doing the same to drummer Guttenberg and bassist Flockhart, the latter appearing like a stick figure]
BMBart and Milhouse
[dancing a dosey-doe] Cartoon violence! Cartoon violence!
[O. J. appears on screen with Cartman's head on his knife]
OJO. J.
Now I'm gonna find the real killers!
[Marge turns off the TV as Bart and Milhouse scream]
Kids, that cartoon's not life-affirming. We're going to watch a show about the everyday problems of angels.
[Marge turns the TV back on to PAX TV]
TATV Announcer
Now, back to Good Heavens.
[An old couple living in the clouds with their dog appears on screen]
OWOld Woman
Jesus called today.
OMOld Man
He did?!
[Bart and Milhouse scream and run away]
[Gets thrown through The Simpsons' window with a note] I'm a brick!
Wait a minute. How could those stupid jarheads win?
Who would want candy filled with laxatives?
[Cut to seniors in the day room enjoying the laxative-laced candies.]
[seeing the Indian smoke signals] Oh no, the Pawnee have returned. They probably want their souls back.
[Gets carried off by a wolf] You smell like dead bunnies!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.