The Simpsons quotes

Homer

Three Ribwiches, please, and instead of a shake, I'd like a blended Ribwich.

I'm sorry, sir. The Ribwich was for a limited time only.

Homer

[banging fist on counter] Not again! First you take away my Philly Fudge Steak, then my Bacon Balls, then my What-Cha-Ma-Chicken. You monster... [walks away, then comes back to counter] I'd like a large fries, please, and a collector's cup.

Dude, if you still want the Ribwich, they're testing it in other markets. Check out the tour schedule! [shows back of his shirt with the tour schedule]

Homer

Maybe I should hook up with you guys. After all, how long do any of us have to live?

Well, if you like the ribwich, not very. [holds up ribwich box with Krusty saying "WILL CAUSE EARLY DEATH"]

Homer

D'oh!

Kent Brockman

The Spellympics is being sued by the Olympics for use of the suffix 'lympics.' This has got to be the slowest news day ever!

Bart

Come on, man, everyone knows the first day of school is a total wank.

Principal Skinner

Well, if by wank you mean educational fun, then stand back, it's wanking time!

Lisa

[loudly] Then I'll be QUEEN OF THE WORLD [whispers] of spelling. [Loud] That's right, QUEEN OF THE WORLD [whispers] of spelling.

Principal Skinner

Bart, your word is imply.

Bart

Imply. I-M-P...

Bart said, "I am pee." He's made of pee!

Bart

Well, I got my laugh. I'm outta here.

I made Bart in my pants.

Principal Skinner

Milhouse, your word is "choke."

Oh, I know this one, it's so easy, "F".... oh, man! [the kids laugh]

Principal Skinner

Stop laughing! It will scar him for life! [kids keep laughing] He-he-he, it is kinda infectious.

Lisa

Could you use it in a sentence?

Nothing can ameliorate the ineptitude of Principal Skinner.

Principal Skinner

I wish he wouldn't use me in every example.

Lisa

Dad, this is my moment in the sun. How can you miss it to be with a sandwich?

Homer

You don't understand. It's not just a sandwich... it's about brotherhood, it's about freedom, it's about 3 days since I've had one! I'm gettin' the shakes! And I'm gettin' the fries!

Principal Skinner

Lisa, "impugn."

Lisa

I-M-P...

Bart

Hey, Lisa said...

[Slaps Bart in the back of his head] Shut up, pee!

We are the Seven Sisters. And you can attend any one of us! Like Barnard, Columbia's "girl next door."

Come to Radcliffe and meet Harvard men."

Or come to Wellesley and marry them."

[slurring, champagne glass in hand] No. Party with me! [Falls face first]

Or nonconform with me! [Raises arms, reveals hairy armpits]

[muscular girl, carries lacrosse stick, husky voice] Play lacrosse with me!

Or come explore with me! [She and Smith kiss with passion]

I know this is a fantasy, but I'll take it. [chuckles]

Lisa

Nah, forget it. [thought bubble shrinks]

[upset] No! I'll never be this happy again!

Ned, I'm James L. Brooks.

Ned

Oh, can I call you Jim?

James L. Brooks is good. How about some spongecake?

Ned

Well, I can't see the harm.

With a brandy glaze?

Ned

Noooo!!

Or perhaps you like to go to a football game?

Ned

Well--

We don't have a team.

Ned

Noo!!

[picks up a red jellyfish] I made a friend. [the jellyfish stings him and he falls into the water and is pulled away by the current] I'm going to Africa! There's lions, and monkeys, and Santa...!

Marge

[saw the Swear Jar is about to fall off the fridge] No! Not the Swear Jar!

Krusty

Just one thing, are you guys good at covering youthful and middle aged indiscretions?

Mr. Burns

Are these indiscretions romantic, financial or treasonous?

Krusty

Russian hooker, you tell me.

Mr. Burns

Oh, no problem. We'll say you were on a fact-finding mission!

Krusty

I did find out one fact; she was a guy!