TV show quotes
[The Springfield Police Department web page is shown.]
If you have committed a crime and want to confess, click 'Yes'. Otherwise, click 'No'.
[Homer clicks 'No'.]
You have chosen 'No', meaning you have committed a crime but don't want to confess. [van symbol is shown] A paddy wagon is now speeding to your home.
Hey!
While you wait, why not buy a police cap or T-shirt? You have the right to remain fabulous!
Our Mayor's corrupt! Mr. X has down this town a great service, despite his poor grammar and spelling.
[offset] Seymour! Are you looking at naked ladies?
No, mother!
You sissy!
Uh, sir? This place could be bugged.
[getting upset] Oh, nobody's visiting my web page anymore! My counter is actually going down! [A tumbleweed rolls by.]
[After Homer bursts a giant bubble designed to stop him leaving] Why did you think a big balloon would stop him?
Shut up! That's why!
[Cameras go the police getting all of the old stuff and taking Apu into custody.]
In the interest of our public safety, we have confiscated every bagel, donut, cruller, and bearclaw in the city. And some coffee.
Yesterday, Mr. X reported that your own department-- [Cut off by Wiggum]
I know. I know. But, I can assure the police do not take prisoners out of their cells and race them... Anymore.
What about using the electric chair to cook chicken?
All right, this press conference is over!
Well, if Mr. X were here right now. I'd buy him a tall frosty.
Hey, Moe. Can you keep a secret.
No.
Not even a little one?
No!
What if I just whisper it?
No, I tells ya!
This scam was in The Sting Part 2, so nobody knows about it.
Abe Simpson [during the Publisher's Clearinghouse scam]: I'm gonna get me a crazy stripper wife!
[Covered in fake blood] I look like cable TV!
Roads closed, pipes frozen, albinos...virtually invisible. The Weather Service has upgraded Springfield's blizzard from "Winter Wonderland" to a "Class 3 Kill-Storm"!
I don't like the sound of that "class 3".
And where are the city's snowplows? Sold off to billionaire Montgomery Burns in a veritable orgasm of poor planning. [At the Burn's mansion, Burns and Smithers are playing volleyball with the snowplows. Burns hits a very large volleyball into a very large net]
He shoots, he scores!
[laughs] Perfect form sir.
Homer this is horrible! How will the kids get home?
I dunno. Internet?
Yeech. It's getting ugly out there. What would Superintendent Chalmers do? [Chalmers appears in his mind]
Skinner!
Well, that didn't help.
[Reading his permanent record]
'Underachiever and proud of it." How old is this thing?
[After finding Skinner] There you are! [Over walkie-talkie] Falcon to Eagle, have located Bag of Crap.
Nelson, if you get me out of this I have a hall monitor position opening in the Spring.
I spit on your monitors.
I know. That's why the position's available.
[Homer and Ned are about to collide with a silo]
We're gonna crash!
Do you have air bags?
No! The church opposes them for some reason!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
