[Watching "Amendment To Be", which has replaced "Itchy & Scratchy".]
What the hell is this?
It's one of those campy '70s throwbacks that appeals to Generation X'ers.
We need another Vietnam to thin out their ranks a little!
S7The Day the Violence Died
RMRoger Myers, Jr.
Okay, maybe my dad did steal Itchy. But so what? Animation is built on plagiarism. If it weren’t for someone plagiarizing The Honeymooners, we wouldn’t have The Flintstones. If someone hadn’t ripped off Sergeant Bilko, there’d be no Top Cat. Huckleberry Hound, Chief Wiggum [Chief Wiggum stares at Roger Meyers], Yogi Bear, hah! Andy Griffith, Edward G. Robinson, Art Carney. Your Honor, you take away our right to steal ideas, where are they gonna come from? [points to Marge in the galley] Her?
How about...Ghost Mutt?
S7A Fish Called Selma
TATV Announcer
Movie For A Rained-Out Ballgame now returns to Dyan Cannon, Troy McClure, and the Muppets in the 1977 film The Muppets Go Medieval.
LLSir Lies-a-lot (played by Troy McClure)
Oh princess fair, wilst thou grant me thine dainty hoof in marriage?
PPrincess (played by Miss Piggy)
Oh, Sir Lies-a-lot, I will! [they kiss before Sir Lies-a-lot pulls away to growl seductively]
KKnight (played by Kermit the Frog)
Unhand thee swine, you swain! Come, Piggy, back to Hamelot!
PPrincess
Not now, frog. Me and Iron Pants are just getting acquainted. [Sir Lies-a-lot draws his sword and starts dueling the knight with very stiff and awkward coreography]
[watching the movie, bored] Dad, what's a Muppet?
Well, it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet, but man... [starts laughing, then stops] So to answer your question, I don't know.
[in the movie, there is a closeup of Troy McClure's face, and he is extremely wrinkly]
Why'd they make that one Muppet out of leather?
That's not a leather Muppet, that's Troy McClure. Back in the 1970s he was quite the teen heartthrob.
Troy McClure? That guy's a freak!
What are you talking about?
You know, his bizarre personal life. Those weird things they say he does down at the aquarium. Why, I heard--
Oh, Homer, that's just an urban legend. People don't do that kind of thing with fish!
Troy McClure?! You said he was dead!
No, what I said is that he sleeps with the fishes! You see--
Uh, Tony, please, no. I just ate a whole plate of dingamagoo.
MPMacArthur Parker
Troy, Mac Parker! Ever hear of... Planet of the Apes?
Uh, the movie or the planet?
PParker
The brand new multimillion dollar musical. And you are starring... as the human.
It's the part I was born to play, baby!
[to Marge] Remember when we were kids, we used to dream about our ideal husbands? Who knew the dream would come true for one of us? [uncomfortable pause] Oh, come on! Guess which one.
I know! I know! It's Selma, right?
S7Bart on the Road
Doughnut?
No, thanks. Do you have any fruit?
This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit.
[in awe] What is this place?
Branson, Missouri. My dad says it's like Vegas... if it were run by Ned Flanders.
[Homer makes a crank call to Moes]
Hello, I'd like to speak to with a Mr. Snotball, first name Eura?
MMoe
Eura Snotball?
What?! How dare you?! If I find out who this is, I'll staple a flag to your butt and mail you to Iran!
[after Lisa tells him about Bart's problem; his face turns a weird shade of red and he is unnervingly calm] Yes... that's a real pickle. Would you excuse me for a moment?
[He turns to the wall, puts on a radiation suit hood and screams out muffled obscenities, then removes the hood and turns to face Lisa, eerily calm again.]
All right, I have thought this through. I will send Bart the money to fly home, then I will murder him.
No! Then he'll know I told!
[Nelson tries to sell Milhouse's glasses in a pawn shop]
PPawnbroker
These lenses are perfect! Now I can re-bottom those antique Coke bottles. [Starts counting money] Three hundred, four hundred, five hundred, six hundred... [A blind Milhouse knocks over the display of Coke bottles and breaks them] ...Five hundred, four hundred, three hundred, two hundred, one hundred, zero!
[Kicks them out of the store]
[Nelson smacks Milhouse for fiddling with the car's radio too much]
OW! Bart, Nelson hit me!
He sure did.
[voice only, inside the crate] Hey, we really could use another air hole!
S722 Short Films About Springfield
SSanjay
I wish you'd come to my party, Apu. You could use some merriment.
AApu
Listen, serving the customer is merriment enough for me. :[Bart pays for his gum] Thank you, come again. You see? Most enjoyable.
SSanjay
Oh, I guarantee a wingding of titanic proportions. You will be there or kindly be square.
AApu
Well, I don't like to leave the store... [dusts off a "back in 5 minutes" sign] ...but for the next five minutes I'm going to party like it's on sale for $19.99!
CChairman
Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. :[reads from clipboard] Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant...
But I cleaned them with my napkin.
CChairman
Misuse of the cadavers...
I get here earlier when I drive in the carpool lane.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.