Louie quotes from The Simpsons

What do you know? The kid's though.

He's got spunk.

Tony

I wonder if he is lucky also. Pick a horse, kid. Shelbyville Downs, third race. Make it a good one.

Bart

Eat my shorts!

Tony

Eat My Shorts? Ah, okay... [consults the racing form] Let's see... Wait a minute, you little punk! Eat My Shorts is in the fifth race! I said the third race!

Bart

Don't have a cow!

Tony

[to a fellow crony] Don't Have a Cow in the third, put a deuce on him.

Homer

But wait, you can't kill me for being Krusty. I'm not him! I'm Homer Simpson!

Fat Tony

The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?

Homer

Uh... actually my name is Barney. Yeah, Barney Gumble!

The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?

Homer

Uh... actually my real name is uh... think Krusty, think... Joe Valachi!

The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about organized crime?

Homer

Benedict Arnold!

The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?

Homer

D'oh!

Troy McClure?! You said he was dead!

Fat Tony

No, what I said is that he sleeps with the fishes! You see--

Uh, Tony, please, no. I just ate a whole plate of dingamagoo.

Homer

[Shoots a beer can open] Anyone else want a beer?

Dr. Hibbert

Homer! You use your gun as a can opener?

Homer

I use it for everything! Watch me turn on the TV. [Shoots the TV, it turns on, and a cowboy onscreen falls down dead]

Agnes

I've never seen such recklessness!

You mighta hurt someone!

Cletus

Are you some kinda moron?!

Homer

Yeah, but--

Krusty

Hey, yutz! Guns aren't toys! They're for family protection, hunting dangerous or delicious animals, and keepin' the King of England out of your face.

Your membership card, please, Homer. [Homer sadly hands him the card, and he tears it up] I'll also need to remove your tattoo. [holds up a grater]

Homer

I didn't get one yet.

Rats.

Chief Wiggum

Yeah, hold on there, Santa Claus. That box is for toys only.

Homer

Well, of course! Any kid would love to have this ... activity center. It teaches them while they learn!

Chief Wiggum

Yeah, nice try, Saint Nick. Now hit the road, Kris Kringle!

Homer

But...but--

Chief Wiggum

You heard me, [pokes Homer's gut with nightstick] Père Noël. [Homer puts the barbecue pit on the cart and leaves; Fat Tony, Legs, and Louie come and dump a body in a bag into the bin] Whatcha got there?

Beanie Baby.

Johnny Tightlips, where'd they hit ya?

I ain't sayin' nothin'.

But what'll I tell the doctor?

Tell him to suck a lemon.

Homer

When you call in sick, who do you call?

I don't call in sick, I work when I wanna.

Homer

Sometimes you want to work?

Now just remember two rules. One, stick to Springfield. If I ever catch you on my turf, I’ll rip off your head, then I'll vomit down your neck, pull out your heart, show it to your head, and shove ‘em both down your neck hole, to which I previously alluded.

Homer

[Mumbling] "...which I previously alluded." Are there two "L’s" in "alluded"?

Marge

Bart, I'm starting to worry about your father.

Bart

Well, I know he seems to get dumber every year, but lately he's plateaued.

Homer

Oh, my God multiple parking tickets, handicapped spot, parked by a hydrant, incomprehensible vanity plate. If my life as a tow truck driver was a teleplay, this would be the end of act 2.

I thought I told you to stay off my turf.

Homer

What? I'm still in Springfield. Wha...?! Okay, I made a mistake. Why don't you give me two demerit points in a point system we work out right now? Put me down, you lousy-- Okay, I'm warning you--I'll kill you, you son of a...--All right buddy, that's it, I've had-- You... let go! All right, Just... let... go. Oh, a trap door. What's down there? Your Meatball collection?

Goodbye

Homer

I thought we were friends! I was kidding you in a friendly fashion!

Boss, Benny down at the liquor store is late on his payment. Again!

Let me break his kneecaps.

Fit-Fat Tony

Marone a mi! You never ever talk that way in front of a baby.

Uh, uh, okay, uh, what if we get him a boo-boo to the brain? Make him go night-night forever?

Fit-Fat Tony

Disgusting! You give the Kiss of Death with that mouth?