“22 Short Films About Springfield” · Season 7
In this episode: Moe Szyslak (1), Barney Gumble (1), Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (1), Clancy Wiggum (1), Professor Frink (1), Hans Moleman (1), Snake Jailbird (1), Nick Riviera (1)
I wish you'd come to my party, Apu. You could use some merriment.
Listen, serving the customer is merriment enough for me. :[Bart pays for his gum] Thank you, come again. You see? Most enjoyable.
Oh, I guarantee a wingding of titanic proportions. You will be there or kindly be square.
Well, I don't like to leave the store... [dusts off a "back in 5 minutes" sign] ...but for the next five minutes I'm going to party like it's on sale for $19.99!
Dr. Nick, this malpractice committee has received a few complaints against you. :[reads from clipboard] Of the 160 gravest charges, the most troubling are performing major operations with a knife and fork from a seafood restaurant...
But I cleaned them with my napkin.
Misuse of the cadavers...
I get here earlier when I drive in the carpool lane.
Say Barn. Uh, remember when I said I had to send away to NASA to calculate your bar tab?
[laughs] Oh yeah. We all had a good laugh Moe.
The results came back in. [picks up a huge stack of paper and reads it] "You owe me $70 billion."
Hmmm?!
Wait no that was for the Voyager spacecraft. Your tab is $14 billion.
All's I got is 2,000 bucks.
Well that's halfway there. [puts the money in the cash register just as Snake bursts through the door]
Freeze, Dude! Move a muscle and I'll blow this wino's head off!
[Moe heads into a room where he is protected]
I'm behind 3 inches of bullet-proof glass. Do your worst!
All right. [opens the cash register and takes Moe's money]
No! Stay out of there! Oh! Good God! No! [turns on and off the light many times]
Ho! Goodbye student loan payments! Ha! Ha! [leaves Moe's Tavern]
Come back here you..! Hey I wonder how much air is in here? [faints]
[ Snake stops at a red light and sees Chief Wiggum crossing the street]
Doughnuts, I got doughnuts. I got, hey I know you.
[Snake wrecks his car while trying to run him down, then escapes on foot]
Hey come back, we gotta swap insurance info.
[Apu gets back to the Kwik-E-Mart and unlocks the door]
You took away 4 minutes of my life and I want them back. [pauses] Eh, I'd only waste them anyway.
[episode has ended]
[comes running up holding a sign that says The Tomfoolery of Professor Frink] Uh, ah, uh, sorry I'm late. There was trouble at the lab with the running and the exploding and the crying. One of the monkeys stole the glasses off my head [end credits start] Uh, no wait, please no, please I have a funny story! I even wrote theme music! [sings] Professor Frink, Professor Frink. He'll make you laugh, he'll make you think. He likes to run and then the thing with the... um, person..... Oh boy, that monkey is going to pay.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
