Fit-Fat Tony quotes from The Simpsons

Fat Tony

I don't get mad, I get stabby.

Fat Tony

[in a murderous voice] We are going for a ride...

Fat Tony

We are bleeding red ink, which is the only thing we should not be bleeding.

Fat Tony

Why are you dipping my face in dough? Why are you kneading my face into an "O" shape? Why are you pushing my face toward the deep fryer? Oh, I see. Clever.

Fit-Fat Tony

[singing] Twinkle, twinkle, little star. Let me Hotwire you a car. We'll change the plates, I know a guy. You'll be my little alibi.

What do you know? The kid's though.

He's got spunk.

Tony

I wonder if he is lucky also. Pick a horse, kid. Shelbyville Downs, third race. Make it a good one.

Bart

Eat my shorts!

Tony

Eat My Shorts? Ah, okay... [consults the racing form] Let's see... Wait a minute, you little punk! Eat My Shorts is in the fifth race! I said the third race!

Bart

Don't have a cow!

Tony

[to a fellow crony] Don't Have a Cow in the third, put a deuce on him.

Ned

Whatcha diddly doin', neighbor?

Homer

I'm puttin' speed holes in my car; makes it go faster.

Ned

Is that so? Well, gee, maybe the old Flanders mobile could use-- [Ned is shot, falls to the ground] Agghh! [gets back up] Wow, lucky I always keep a Bible close to my heart and-- [Ned is shot again] D'a-oh! [gets back up] Ho-ho-hoh, lucky I was wearing this extra-large piece of the True Cross today. I think I'll go inside. [runs with Bible. A bullet hits the pickaxe causing the head to spin]

Homer

What keeps doing that? [to a limo]

Fat Tony

I told you we should have bought more than three bullets. Lets just grab him.

Homer

But wait, you can't kill me for being Krusty. I'm not him! I'm Homer Simpson!

Fat Tony

The same Homer Simpson who crashed his car through the wall of our club?

Homer

Uh... actually my name is Barney. Yeah, Barney Gumble!

The same Barney Gumble who keeps taking pictures of my sister?

Homer

Uh... actually my real name is uh... think Krusty, think... Joe Valachi!

The same Joe Valachi who squealed to the Senate Committee about organized crime?

Homer

Benedict Arnold!

The same Benedict Arnold who plotted to surrender West Point to the hated British?

Homer

D'oh!

Troy McClure?! You said he was dead!

Fat Tony

No, what I said is that he sleeps with the fishes! You see--

Uh, Tony, please, no. I just ate a whole plate of dingamagoo.

Fat Tony

Greetings, Homer.

Homer

Hey! Fat Tony! You still with the mafia?

Fat Tony

Uh, uh, yes, I am. Thank you for asking. Now, Homer, as you no doubt recall, you were done a favor by our, uh, how shall I say...Mafia Crime Syndicate.

Homer

Oh yeah.

Fat Tony

Now the time has come for you to do us a favor.

Homer

[Gasp] You mean the mob only did me a favor to get something in return? [Disappointed] Oh, Fat Tony. I will bid good day to you sir.

Fat Tony

Okay...I will go [exits the building]...Hey...wait a minute.

Fat Tony

Johnny Tightlips, can you see the shooter?

I see a lot of things...

Fat Tony

You know, you could be a little more helpful.

Bart

Dad, you don't understand. This was never about being cool. It was about you not caring how I felt.

Homer

Oh, that's the dumbest thing I ever heard, you stupid little kid!

Tony

Homer, you're heading for a parental face-plant! Do a 180 emotional Ollie! [groans as he falls down the skate ramp]

Homer

FINALLY, someone explains it to me in words I can understand!

Homer

All right! I'll let you shoot your gay adult film at my house.

Fat Tony

I never said anything about gay.

Homer

I thought you guys were the gay mafia.

Homer

Ow!

Fat Tony

Welcome to my home.

Marge

[gasps] Must have cost a fortune!

Fat Tony

Actually, you can really keep costs down when you don't pay for materials, or labor, or permits or... land.

Homer

Wow, your paintings have brush marks. And your statues have wieners.

Fat Tony

Your words honor my family.

Fit Tony

I keep my friends close...

Homer

But your enemies closer?

Fit Tony

No! Why would I do that? If I kept my enemies close, they would kill me!