Marge is right, Your Honor. My e-mail password is "bad dad."
Yeah, Judge. If you wanna know who should be in jail, he weighs 240 and smells like onions. [Homer slaps Bart in the back of the head]
S27Orange Is the New Yellow
Simpson, are you here unsupervised?
Yeah, and so what?
I'd lose the attitude, "Sylvester Stallone"! [Lou chuckles] Finally, a laugh out of Lou! Son, kids aren't allowed on their own anymore, now who said you could come here?
My mom.
Ugh. Always the mom.
S28Monty Burns' Fleeing Circus
What a beautiful day for a family stroll!
AApu
[carrying his octuplets] Tell that to my aching back!
[groans] It's not a family stroll! Homer forgot where he parked his car last night and now we have to find it!
What a beautiful day to be in denial!
Yeah, Bart, who cares? The sun is shining, birds are singing, people... are... staring up at the sky in terror?
[the family screams]
Do you see it, Lisa? There's... nothing... there.
And that's where Lard Lad used to be!
Uh... Looks like we better file a report with the Bureau of Missing Statues.
Yeah. Be like that time that Rodin statue got stolen. What was the name of the statue again? Eh, ah, let me think. [sits on the statue's base imitating The Thinker] Um... thinking. Yeah... Still thinking. Still thinking...
In response to the outcry, Lard Lad's parent company, Tianjin Mining and Smelting and Donuts, has issued the following statement: "We are rebranding Lard Lad with an updated statue."
Ooh, rebranding!
That just means admitting failure, Dad.
Ooh, admitting failure!
S28Friends and Family
Come on, sir. You'll be late for your appointment.
Hush! No one must know I'm not in perfect mental health. The Kaiser would be furious!
[Mr. Burns walks down the medical complex's hallway]
D1Doctor 1
Hip joints! Who wants a hip joint?
D2Doctor 2
Eyeballs! Can't see without your eyeballs!
D3Doctor 3
Euthanasia! Sweet, sweet euthanasia!
Ooh! Can I buy it as a gift?
D3Doctor 3
No!
NDr. Nussbaum
I believe last week we were discussing your anger issues.
[angry] Anger issues? Anger issues?! Anger issues? Anger issues?!
NDr. Nussbaum
Yeah all right, I'm afraid our 50 minutes are almost up.
Sorry. You were saying?
S28The Town
I know you're in a hurry to go to the bar to watch football, but first, I want you to put the kids to bed.
Ugh!
[reading The Wizard of Oz] Everything after the tornado was a dream. The end!
Yay!
The only Boston wins is because they cheat! Listening in our teams' headsets, fattening our cheerleaders, you know, for three games last year, Boston used a volleyball painted brown!
BFBoston fan 1
That was never proven, you Springfield screw-job.
MMoe
Ugh! Boston fans. In town for the Dennis Lehane book tour.
Go kiss a Kennedy, you rule-breaking cranberry squeezers!
BFBoston fan 2
We don't cheat! We won 12 division titles in ten years, fair and square!
BFBoston fan 1
You dorks are just jealous of all our championship rings! [they start kissing their hands]
You're the one who's jealous. I only wish I could be as jealous as you!
BFBoston fan 1
Geez, Jay, this place has got more knobs than a hardware store. I hate this town!
So don't I. Frigging doorknobs [they laugh]
BFBoston fan 1
Automatic! [they kiss their hands again]
S28Treehouse of Horror XXVII
[Sideshow Bob gets out from behind a tree]
SThe Simpsons
Aahh!!! Sideshow Bob! [Kang or Kodos gets out from behind a tree] Aahh!!! One of you guys!
[the ghost of Frank Grimes merges from the ground]
Marge, Bart and Lisa: Frank Grimes?
Who?
I'm the guy who hated you. Hated you! Died from my hatred of you!!
[giggles] Good old Grimey.
To the point, we are evil geniuses who, somehow, lost every battle we've had with Homer Simpson.
[eating tinsels] What?
So we decided to form this furious four!
Bob, seriously man, one suggestion? Shut up! I mean, the baby is already asleep.
Awww.
Will nobody stop these people? [clips from all previous episodes appear and a counter goes from 1 to 600] Oh, hi. How do you do, Children? I'm Frank Grimes. In Hell, they make you watch them all in a row. Welcome to our 600th Episode. Treehouse of Horror 27.
[suffocated inside a plastic bag] Why did Mom "DOUBLE WRAP"?!?!?!?
[narrating] Chief Clancy Wiggum arrests Lisa and Lisa is arrested for the murder.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.