TV show quotes
Attention lovers of studio perfectionism, I drugged all the concessions so you'll do what I say!
Drugs at a Steely Dan concert? I never thought I see the day.
Angry mob, kill the intruders. Steely Dan, play "Deacon Blues". No, "Royal Scam". No, "Babylon Sisters".
Hey hey! What time is it, kids?
Product tie-in time!
That's right! I'm introducing a new line of candy so delicious that the Krusty Corporation board of directors will stop threatening to oust me! [drum roll] Presenting: Krustaceans! They look like shrimp, they taste like candy, and they're organic! Uh... "Clown eats snack"? Uh-oh, this could get ugly.
Hey hey, kids! Krusty won't be needing the spit bucket!
[eating the candy] Mmm! They are good!
How did you get them so fast?
I'm a Krusty Prime member. $75.00 a month, but it's worth it.
I was in line for that job and I lost it to someone who barely speaks English! It's humidifying.
Well, then why the hell don't you do something about it?!
Huh? Who said that?!
Me!
Who are you?
I'm your ambition!
How come I never met you before?
I've been locked up for 30 years by Apathy and Alcoholism!
[picks up a box of samples] We've got to get these samples analyzed. Bart, do you think we'll get out of here safely?
I think the guard's no problem.
[The robotic security guard is sleeping on his chair, cuts back to Bart and Lisa tiptoeing while Lisa carrying a box of samples]
Here comes our ride.
Well, it's the first Saturday in September, and that means one thing in Springfield. It's that time again! Opening day of peewee football! And everybody's headed down to Child Soldier Field to catch all the action! It all comes down to this, the first game of the year, perfect season on the line, and drunks are being rolled off the field. Ladies and gentlemen, your Springfield Neutrinos!
They over-fogged the run-in!
They put those kids in danger just to psych up the crowd! [yelling] Yeah, are you psyched up now? Huh? Are you?!
Concussions!! [knocks Homer's soda into his hot dogs]
Concessions!!
Professor, what danger does this concussion threat truly pose?
Uh... Well, Kent, these children will need their brains unbruised for the demanding, high-tech jobs of the future: polishing and buffing our robot masters.
Indeed. And here to defend youth football, we have Nelson's dad.
Are you wearing makeup?
Is it worth the risk to your son's health when only point 1% of youth football players make it to the pros?
You saying my boy doesn't have what it takes to play pro ball? Huh! Boy, show him your moves! Juke it, juke it!
Okay, vultures... uh... Okay, um...
Forget it! I'm out.
Uh... Vultures, almost every kid wears a retainer, and that is not cool! [shows Milhouse's braces] But this retainer is a de-lamer. As it turns this grill from blah to bling! [puts a golden retainer on his mouth with "MILHOUSE" written on it]
Ooh!
Oh, now that's a Milhouse I'd marry!
[during a couch gag with the memorial of his family] Hello? Hello? [sits on the couch and holds the remote] Finally, I get the remote.
Homer, are you ever planning on putting this stuff together?
Sure, right after I watch this DVD. [pushes the TV back to its normal position]
[groans] Just what are you watching that's so important? [grabs the DVD case] Outstanding College Mascot Fights?
S.E.C. edition.
No parking spots? Lousy butt-kissers coming in before noon, eating donuts are rightfully mine. [stops at a smart car] D'oh! Stupid smart car. [spots at an SUV] D'oh! Spot hogging SUV. [spots a sinkhole with two vehicles inside it] D'oh! Inconvenient sinkhole! [spots at a parking sign: "Created by Matt Groening"] D'oh! Mandatory credit! [spots at another parking sign: "Developed by James L. Brooks, Matt Groening & Sam Simon"] D'oh! "Developed By"? What does that even mean? [spots at an empty parking space] It's empty!
[narrating] In my younger and more vulnerable years, my father gave me some advice. He said, "The laziest way to tell a story is through voice-over narration."
[A mistake is made when he is on about the eating habits of the golden goose] "He eats just like I do, without swallowing." [This should have said chewing instead of swallowing]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
