My fat friend you are hanging by a very thin thread. Now listen Simpson if you want to keep your job, then you better start...
S18Ice Cream of Margie (With the Light Blue Hair)
S18The Haw-Hawed Couple
[thinking] No book is ever going to make my daughter sad. Time to do what I do best! Lie to a child!
Trust me Bart, it's better to walk in on both your parents instead of just one of them.
[Homer has been sobbing about Greystash's death in the Angelica Button book series]
Homer, it's just a book.
No man should outlive his fictional wizard! NO MAN!
S18Kill Gil, Volumes I & II
It's true. I do have trouble saying no. It all started when I was 7.
[Cuts to flashback]
Marjorie. We need you to hide our cigarettes in your dollhouse.
No! [Patty and Selma shove her into her dollhouse] Mom? Grandma? Aunt Laurina? Anybody? [Trips on a toy car]
[Cuts out of flashback]
And that's why I have trouble saying no to people. Even Gil.
Marge, I have no idea what you were just thinking about. Why would you think I did?
[holding the blade of the grumple's skate to his neck] Give back that Holiday cheer, you bastard!
GGrumple
Never!
S18The Wife Aquatic
[While watching outdoor silent movie Ned Flanders chose.]
This movie isn't silent, I can hear it sucking!
And all the snacks we bought are "heart-smart".
[referring to snack] What the hell is a radish anyway? It's like an apple did it with an onion.
We left plenty of food so you won't starve.
Oh, thank you.
I was talking to the cat.
Oh no, someone carved swastikas into your eyes!
I'm sure it was just some guy, who was filled with hate.
S18Revenge Is a Dish Best Served Three Times
Homer no! Revenge never solves anything!
Then what is America doing in Iraq?!
JJudge
I sentence you to life.
You moron, I'm already alive!
JJudge
In prison! [hammers podium]
AAAAH!!!
G'morning dinguses! What are you doing, touching each others butts?
You're so dead you're alive!
[congratulating Milhouse on finding a way to take revenge on the school bullies] Milhouse, thanks to you, the nerds can breathe easy. Except the ones with asthma, which is all of them, but still, it's great!
Yep, having a weapon in school has really made things awesome!
Ow!
[giggles]
Pardon my birdie, I misjudged the privellian winds.
YOU EMBARRASSED ME IN FRONT OF LISA!!
[Milhouse inflicts Wet Willie on Martin and another kid]
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!
Milhouse, what's gotten into you?
Over the years a lotta people have hurted me! Good thing I kept this list. [Shows Lisa a list of people have wronged him and then chuckles evilly]
No, no, you already got your revenge!
You wouldn't give me Chinese Cuts in the lunch line! [Inflicts Wendell a Wedgie] You laughed when I threw up in the Glass blowing tour! [Inflicts Lewis a Wedgie] Girls like you better! [Inflicts Richard a Stop Hitting Yourself] Your parents are married! [Inflicts the rest of the kids a Stop Hitting Yourself, Wedgie and Wet Willie]
Ay, caramba! [Back at the present] That's the only line I get in your stupid story?
There are no small parts, just small actors.
[Back at the story, Milhouse keeps inflicting punishments on his enemies]
NKNew Kid
This is my first day at this school! I haven't done anything to you!
You will! This is prevenge! [Inflicts Freshman Facial on the kid an falls on his face in a mud puddle, then Groundskeeper Willie walks by and sees the kid and Milhouse]
Well, look, it's Milhouse! What's the power glove for? Opening the cap on his weirdo pills? [Milhouse inflicts Ultimate Noogie on Willie which severes his head off, though he's still alive]
[walks by] Willie, clean up this mess!
Alright! [Starts licking his blood]
Milhouse, don't you see? You're addicted to revenge!
You'll learn to love it when you're my queen!
I see. [Chuckles nervously] While it would be an honor to be your queen...
Go on.
I feel it would be best if we just stay as friends.
NOBODY SPARES MY FEELINGS!! [Gets ready to shoot Lisa but starts to decide not to]
I can't do it, I can't hurt you Lisa! [Throws the glove away but then Nelson picks it up]
Ha Ha! You forgot about me 'Cuz I had the mumps! [Inflicts all the glove's options at Milhouse]
S18Little Big Girl
Yep, the Simpsons have never married or even shook hands with anyone interesting. In a world of 31 flavors, we’re the cup of water they rinse the scoops in. Grampa out.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.