Yep, the Simpsons have never married or even shook hands with anyone interesting. In a world of 31 flavors, we’re the cup of water they rinse the scoops in. Grampa out.
“Little Big Girl” · Season 18
In this episode: Bart Simpson (7), Darcy (3), Homer Simpson (2), Lisa Simpson (2), Grampa Simpson (1)
And so, my proud people were nearly destroyed by the warfare, disease, and greed of the invading Europeans. Today, the Hitachees have dwindled to a handful, and our detailed genealogical records were cruelly destroyed by the white men. So, any attempts to research my tribe would be the ultimate insult.
Utah? Home of America's most powerful weirdoes!
UMUtah Minister
So, how many wives will you be marrying today, Mr Simpson?
Just one.
UMUtah Minister
What, are you gay?
Bart, take these volleyballs, fill them up, and throw them over the prison wall to create chaos and confusion.
[to Bart] You look kind of young.
Uh, yeah, I have that disease that makes you look like an old man, but they gave me medicine for it and I took too much.
I'm very religious that way.
How religious can you be if you're pregnant? [Darcy slaps Bart] Good answer.
[When Darcy screams at Bart to get her strawberries]
Take my wife, please... hey, I finally get that joke!
[calling Bart] Bart! This is a matter of life and death! What is the difference between "ketchup" and "catsup"? [Bart throws the cell phone away.] They're gonna cut my head off!
[to Bart while he's driving] Slow down! Watch out for that car. Your hands should be at 10:00 and 2:00, not 3:00 and nothing!
You know, it'd be a real shame if someone started investigating your Indian heritage!
[meekly] I'll be good.
[to Bart] You really are 10. I just thought you were really stupid.
I'm 10 and stupid! Look if I'm not a father then, who is?
A Norwegian exchange student. He's long gone, back to Norwegia. I wanted you to marry me so my baby would have a dad.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.