And so, my proud people were nearly destroyed by the warfare, disease, and greed of the invading Europeans. Today, the Hitachees have dwindled to a handful, and our detailed genealogical records were cruelly destroyed by the white men. So, any attempts to research my tribe would be the ultimate insult.
S18Little Big Girl
Utah? Home of America's most powerful weirdoes!
UMUtah Minister
So, how many wives will you be marrying today, Mr Simpson?
Just one.
UMUtah Minister
What, are you gay?
Bart, take these volleyballs, fill them up, and throw them over the prison wall to create chaos and confusion.
[to Bart] You look kind of young.
Uh, yeah, I have that disease that makes you look like an old man, but they gave me medicine for it and I took too much.
I'm very religious that way.
How religious can you be if you're pregnant? [Darcy slaps Bart] Good answer.
[When Darcy screams at Bart to get her strawberries]
Take my wife, please... hey, I finally get that joke!
[calling Bart] Bart! This is a matter of life and death! What is the difference between "ketchup" and "catsup"? [Bart throws the cell phone away.] They're gonna cut my head off!
[to Bart while he's driving] Slow down! Watch out for that car. Your hands should be at 10:00 and 2:00, not 3:00 and nothing!
You know, it'd be a real shame if someone started investigating your Indian heritage!
[meekly] I'll be good.
[to Bart] You really are 10. I just thought you were really stupid.
I'm 10 and stupid! Look if I'm not a father then, who is?
A Norwegian exchange student. He's long gone, back to Norwegia. I wanted you to marry me so my baby would have a dad.
S18Springfield Up
Homer gave me a kidney once. It wasn't his, I didn't need it, and it came with postage due, but it was a lovely gesture.
S18Yokel Chords
Seymour, Gary.
Simpson, I know you're behind this! Well, you are going to get some counciling from our school psychologist!
PPsychologist
[running out of the school] Dark Stanley's going to eat my brains!!!
Or, from a qualified professional.
[at Bart's last counseling session with school-paid psychologist Stacey Swanson]
...And then I had this dream that my whole family was just cartoon characters, and that our success had led to some crazy propaganda network called "Fox News".
S18Rome-old and Juli-eh
I have to warn you, I'm not good with details. Or the big picture. I also show up late. And drunk. [whispers enthusiastically] I have a good feeling about this!
Sorry I had to work so late. How did it go with the baby?
We're having a great time. I cleaned up all my best war stories for her. I was just telling her how we chased the teddy bears into their cuddle bunkers, [in a creepy voice] then had to tickle them out with machine hugs and fun throwers! [sinister zoom-in] They say the more soldiers you tickle, the easier it gets. Well, sir, it doesn't.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.