[greeting Bart and Lisa] Hi-dilly ho, neglect-a-renos!
S7Home Sweet Homediddly-Dum-Doodily
S7Bart Sells His Soul
I know one of you is responsible for this, so repeat after me: If I withhold the truth may I go straight to hell, where I will eat naught but burning hot coals and drink naught but burning hot cola...
[scared] Where fiery demons will punch me in the back...
[nonchalant] Where my soul will be chopped into confetti and strewn upon a parade of murderers and single mothers...
[clearly nervous] Where my tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds...
[A raven outside crows menacingly.]
Bart did it! That Bart, right there!
[angry] Milhouse!
Milhouse, you did the right thing. Bart, come with me for punishment. [grabs Bart, then reaches back for Milhouse] You too, snitchy.
[Bart and Milhouse start cleaning the organ pipes as Reverend Lovejoy leaves]
You shank! How could you tell on me?!
Well, I didn't want hungry birds pecking my soul forever.
"Soul"?! Come on, Milhouse, there's no such thing as a soul. It's just something they made up to scare kids, like the Boogeyman or Michael Jackson.
But every religion says there's a soul, Bart. Why would they lie? What would they have to gain? [see Lovejoy using the coin counter with collection money]
I don't hear scrubbing!
Well, if your soul's real, where is it? [Milhouse puts his hand on his chest]
It's kinda in here... and when you sneeze, that's your soul trying to escape. Saying "God bless you" crams it back in. And when you die, it squirms out and flies away!
Uh-huh. What if you die in a submarine at the bottom of the ocean?
Oh, it can swim. It's even got wheels, in case you die in the desert and it has to drive to the cemetery.
[groans] How can someone with glasses that thick be so stupid? Listen, you don't have a soul. I don't have a soul. There's no such thing as a soul!
Fine. If you're so sure about that, why don't you sell your soul to me?
[pause] How much ya got?
Five bucks.
..Deal.
[watching "Itchy & Scratchy"] I know that's funny, but I'm just not laughing.
Hmmm, Pablo Neruda said "Laughter is the language of the soul."
I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.
MMoe
The deep fryer's here! I got it used from the Navy. You can flash-fry a buffalo in 40 seconds.
Forty seconds?! But I want it now!
Hmm. Bart, what's wrong? There's something a little off about your hug.
Mom, I need to tell you something. I kind of --
[interrupts] Let me guess. A mother can always tell. [hugs him a bit] Hmm. It's not fear of nuclear war. [hugs him more] It's not swim-test anxiety. It almost feels like you're missing something...something important.
[eager] Like I don't have a soul?
[chuckles] Aw, honey, you're not a monster.
I would like to say grace. [saying grace, while knowingly poking fun at Bart] Lord, have mercy on my soul... and Mom's soul, and Dad's soul, and Maggie's soul. And let every soul in Christendom-
[Bart furiously throws a meatball at Lisa]
Bart!
I can't take this anymore! I want my soul, and I want it now! [runs out]
Bart! You didn't finish your spaghetti and Moe-balls!
HSHomer's brain
Silence, you fool. It can be ours.
[eats Bart's spaghetti, mouthful] Run, boy! Run! Run for your life... boy.!
[Pieces of Uncle Moe's family feedbag are being taken away]
MMoe
Get rid of it all.
Hey Moe, you could've at least kept the fire extinguishers.
MMoe
Nah, too many bad memories.
NVNana Van Houten
A caller at this hour? You dial nine-one, then when I say so, dial one again.
I'm really sorry... I kind of traded your soul to the guy at the comic book store. But look! I got some cool pogs: ALF pogs! Remember ALF? He's back... in pog form!
You traded my soul for pogs?! [runs out screaming] Noooooooo!
NVNana Van Houten
Close that door, you're letting the heat out!
Shut up, shut up, shut up!
[his soul floats down from above] [he grabs it and hugs it, and sees Lisa standing there] Lisa? You bought this?
With the change in my piggy bank.
There's no change in your piggy bank.
Not in any of the ones you know about.
Oh, Lis, thank you. [kisses her on the cheek]
Happy to do it. But you know, Bart, some philosophers believe that nobody is born with a soul -- that you have to earn one [Bart eats the piece of paper] through suffering and thought and prayer, like you did last night.
Uh huh. [swallows]
S7Lisa the Vegetarian
[the family is having lamb chops for dinner and Lisa has discovered she can't eat them]
What's the difference between this lamb and the one that kissed me?
This one spent two hours in the broiler.
I'm trying to impress people here, Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.
[conga beat while Lisa folds her arms] You don't win friends with salad/You don't win friends with salad/
BHBart and Homer
[doing the conga] You don't win friends with salad/You don't win friends with salad/You don't win friends with salad/You don't win friends with salad/
[joins her husband and son] You don't win friends with salad/You don't win friends with salad/You don't win friends with salad...
Mom!
I don't mean to take sides. I just got caught up in the rhythm.
[Homer and Bart are chasing the runaway pig for the barbecue. It rolls through some bushes]
It's just a little dirty, it's still good, it's still good!
[the pig passes through traffic, hits a guardrail and falls into a canal with toxic waste drums in it]
It's just a little slimy, it's still good, it's still good!
[the pig gets caught in the dam spillway. Water floods behind it until the built-up pressure shoots it through the spillway and rocketing into the distance]
It's just a little airborne, it's still good, it's still good!
It's gone.
I know.
[in Mr. Burns' office]
You know, Smithers, I think I'll donate a million dollars to the local orphanage... when pigs fly!
[they both laugh. A moment later the pig sails past the window]
Will you be donating that million dollars now, sir?
No, I'd still prefer not.
[Lisa is using the riding lawnmower to push the barbecue pig out of the yard.]
Bart, no!
[standing next to her] What?
Sorry, force of habit. Lisa, no!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.