The Simpsons · Season 6
Mom, I know your intentions are good but aren't the police the protective force that maintains the status quo for the wealthy elite? Don't you think we ought to attack the roots of social problems instead of jamming people into overcrowded prisons?
[pauses] Look Lisa, it's McGriff, the Crime Dog! [uses a hand puppet] Hey, Lisa, help me bite crime, ruff, ruff!
Shush, dear. You'll wreck daddy's fun.
[singing] Bringing in the sheaves, bringing in ... [gasps] Oh, my Lord! Something horrible has happened!
[uncontrollably laughing] Fooled you, Flanders. Made you think your family was dead!
Hey, quit saying bad stuff about my town, man!
Why don't you make me?
I don't make trash, I burn it.
Then I guess you're a garbage man.
I know you are, but what am I?
A garbage man.
I know you are, but what am I?
A garbage man.
I know you are, but what am I?
A garbage man.
Takes one to know one!
Checkmate!
Okay, piglet, start squealing. Where'd you get the lemons for this lemonade?
Uh...this is Country Time lemonade mix. There's never been anything close to a lemon in it, I swear!
Hey, nobody hassles my little brother.
Hey! And no one manhandles the bosom chum of Nelson Muntz! Spring forth, burly protector, and save me!
[After several seconds, Nelson slowly emerges out of hiding from a tree]
Aww, geez. I never hang out with him, normally.
[Nelson casually tosses the bully to the side, to the delight of Martin]
[skips around Nelson] Hark to the tale of Nelson...
And the boy he loved so dear...
[Nelson takes a swing at Martin, but misses]
They remain the best of friends for years and years and years.
Aw, a car impound lot: the impenetrable fortress of suburbia!
We'll never get the tree back now.
Keep your voices down, boys; we didn't come this far to get found out.
FOUND 'EM! YOU KIDS ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE, RUNNING FROM HOME LIKE THAT!
They stole our lemon tree!
Why is it when I heard the word "school", and the word "exploded", I immediately thought of the word "Skinner"?!
Ah, soon that mighty apparatus will burst forth with its precious fluid. Almost sexual, isn't it, Smithers?
Although he did send us this thank you card.
[reading aloud on the card] "Marge, Bart, Lisa and Maggie." Dad, this doesn't have your name on it.
[Homer snatches the card, looks at it, and lowers, his pupils shrinking due to rage as ominous music plays, Bart and Lisa look quite frightened]
Kids, would you step outside for a second? [Bart and Lisa run off of the room, he stands up, and inhales a gust of air...] F—
[At the church, the organ booms and a flock of birds scatter from the bell tower, the neighbors stunned and look at the Simpson house]
[from next door; gasps] Dear Lord! That's the loudest profanity I've ever heard!
Since the beginning of time, man has yearned to destroy the sun. I will do the next best thing: block it out.
[He presses yet another button, raising a shield over the model town which blots out the sunlight]
[horrified] Good God!
Imagine it, Smithers: electrical lights and heaters running all day long.
But sir, every plant and tree will die. Owls will deafen us with incessant hooting. The town's sundial will be useless. I don't want any part of this project, it's unconscionably fiendish.
[gasps] I will not suffer this insubordination. There has been a shocking decline in the quantity and quality of your toadying, Waylon - and you will fall into line. Now!
...No. No Monty, I won't. Not until you step back from the brink of insanity.
I'll do no such thing! You're fired!
[Smithers leaves, dejected. Mr. Burns laughs evilly to himself and stomps through the scale model of the town like a giant monster.]
Take that, Bowl-A-Rama! Take that, convenience mart! Take that, Nuclear Power Pl... Oh, fiddlesticks.
[Moe's tavern is completely full of black smoke from Mr. Burns's oil well and everyone inside is getting sick]
These fumes aren't as fun as beer. Sure I'm dizzy and nauseous, but where is the inflated sense of self-esteem? [a barfly babbles indistinctly, collapses]
Hey, if you guys are getting get loaded off them fumes, I'm gonna have to charge ya. [a man and a woman in chemical suits come in]
Man alive! There are..men alive in here.
I'm detecting over 20 different toxins in the air. [Barney burps. The meter rapidly beeps]
Alright, everybody out! As long as Burns is pumping oil, this bar is closed.
Damn Burns. Let me just get one thing. [grabs under and cocks shotgun and leaves]
Me too. [grabs pistol from under bar stool] Ahh! Now, there's the inflated sense of self-esteem.
Well, I couldn't possibly solve this mystery. Can you?
[points at viewer as if he's breaking the fourth wall; camera zooms out to reveal he's actually pointing at Chief Wiggum]
Yeah, I'll give it a shot. I mean, it's my job, right?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
