TV show quotes
[The French neutron bomb nearly hits Kang and Kodos' ship]
What the hell was that?!
[speaking into microphone] Calling home planet! This is Ensign Kang reporting a cigar-shaped object moving at tremendous speed!
[on Rigel VII] Sure, Kang, I'm writing that all down.
[he and his superior laugh amongst themselves]
[realizing the people in Springfield are transformed into skeletons] Everyone's gone! [saddened] Little Bart...little Lisa...little Marge... [sniffs] and the rest! [cries]
[dancing in church nude when someone turns off the radio button] Hey. What happened to the tunes? [sees Springfield citizens dressed in monk robes] What's going on? Where did you get these cloaks?
You're mutants?
Uh, we don't like the word "mutants", Homer. We prefer "freaks" or "monsters".
[mistaking Edgar and Johnny Winter for mutants] Die, you chalk-faced goons!
Something I should have done a long time ago. [furiously turns red, angrily shouting at Bart] I'll teach you to mess with my machine!
[Bart screams]
[angrily starts chasing Bart] I'm gonna chop you good! That cost me 35 cents! You're just making it worse! I promise I won't hurt you!
You are all hereby found guilty of the crime of witchcraft. I sentence you hags to be burned at the stake until you are deemed fit to re-enter society.
[looks at witches] Oh, Neddie, look at them up there, plotting our doom. They could force us to do wanton acts of carnality.
[scoffs] Yeah, that'll be the day.
You'll see all your favorite soccer stars. Like Ariaga! Ariaga II! Bariaga! Aruglia! And Pizzoza!
Oh, I never heard of those people.
And they'll all be signing autographs!
Woo-hoo!
This match will decide once and for all which nation is the greatest on Earth: Mexico or Portugal!
I can't bear this any longer, I'm leaving.
Yeah, but not before me you ain't. [He storms out]
Now now, there's plenty exits for everyone!
Oh, that's it, you're dead, pal! [Puts Flanders into a headlock]
Hey now, that's uncalled for.
Shut your hole Skinner!
[Lenny punches Principal Skinner in the stomach, knocking him into the aisle stairway. He collides with Barney's beer tray, spilling it. Barney, enraged, runs headfirst into the increasingly large number of people fighting on the stairs, knocking and bowling them over. Meanwhile, a group of Scottish men watching the game stare bored at nothing in particular].
Ach! They call this a soccer riot? Come on, boys, let's take 'em to school!
[The men, rolling up their sleeves, start to pound anyone who comes near them. It's not long before the entire stadium is embroiled in a violent riot, from people getting tackled to Groundskeeper Willie's soccer hooligan friends hitting people with pipes to two East Asian guys in karate robes kicking each other in the face to Nelson sitting on Milhouse and pulling his leg back as Milhouse screams and cries. The Simpsons stand next to their seats.]
Homer, we've got to get out of here!
Ooh, but I want to do some rioting. [pushes one of the Scotsmen]
[turns to face Homer, screaming] JOBBERS COBKNOTS, YA MUCKER!! [pulls out a crowbar]
All done! [runs off]
I'd like to buy your deadliest gun, please.
Aisle six, next to the sympathy cards.
[Going through accessories for Homer's new gun]
And this is for shooting down police helicopters.
Oh, I don't need anything like that... yet.
Just give me my gun!
Sorry, the law requires a five day waiting period. We've got to run a background check.
Five days?! But I'm mad now! Oh, I'd kill you if I had my gun...!
Yeah, well, you don't.
Now, I believe you have some sort of firearm for me.
Well, let's see here. According to your background check, you've been in a mental institution...
Yeah.
frequent problems with alcohol...
[nervously] Yeah.
...beat up President Bush!
Former President Bush.
[the clerk slaps a red rubber stamper on Homer's printout]
"Potentially dangerous"?
Relax, that just limits you to three handguns or less.
Woohoo!
I'm sorry, Homer, no weapons.
A gun is not a weapon, Marge. It's a tool. Like a butcher knife, or a harpoon, or...uh, a...an alligator.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
