Hey! Hey! HEY!!
WWorker
What?
Your boss told you you're fired!
WWorker
I'll get him.
S9The City of New York vs. Homer Simpson
All I remember about the last two months was giving a guest lecture at Villanova; or maybe it was a street corner.
S9The Principal and the Pauper
A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.
Not if you called 'em stench blossoms.
Or crapweeds.
I'd sure hate to get a dozen crapweeds for Valentine's Day. I'd rather have candy.
Not if they were called scumdrops.
[Thinking] Keep looking shocked and move slowly towards the cake.
They gave me a choice: jail, the army, or apologize to the judge and old lady. Of course, if I knew there was a war going on, I probably would have apologized.
[In Armin's apartment, the ex-principal lies on his bed while his visitors stand around him trying to convince him to come home. Armin refuses as they got the real Seymour Skinner.]
AArmin
My mind is made up! I'm not coming back and that's final!
Oh, Seymour.
AArmin
And I'm not Seymour, my name is Armin! This is Armin's apartment, Armin's liquor, Armin's copy of "Swank", Armin's frozen peas.
Can I see your copy of "Swank", Armin?
AArmin
Yes, you can. This is Armin's life, and maybe it's not perfect, but at least I'm back where I belong. I was born a no-goodnik, and I'll die a no-goodnik.
Seymour! I didn't bring you up to use language like that!
AArmin
Well, you didn't bring me up at all!
To hell I didn't! I've been taking care of you for 26 years! I'm the only mother you've ever known!
AArmin
But you have your real son!
You are my real son! You've been my son longer than he has, and he doesn't need me, and I don't need him! Now you march yourself downstairs and get in that car!
AArmin
Yes, Mother.
And the rest of you, too!
AAll
Yes, Mrs. Skinner.
[Agnes is infuriated by her real son's behavior and misses Armin more. Later, she stews in anger in the grocery store check-out lane.]
Good morning, Agnes. Mmm...how's your new son working out?
That child is the most disobedient, smart-alecky middle-aged man in creation!
Hello, ladies. Is this the line for people who want to bad-mouth Sergeant Skinner?
And have ten items or less.
[discarding items] Twelve, eleven, ten, the man's a weenie!
Now be fair, Edna. I liked Armin Tamzarian too, but he was at least as big a weenie as Sergeant Skinner.
But he was "our" weenie!
[Marge even had to admit Edna was right about Armin.]
Principal Skinner?
Up yours, children!
S9Lisa's Sax
[The "All in the Family" opening:]
Boy, the way the Bee Gees played
Movies John Travolta made
Guessing how much Elvis weighed
HMHomer/Marge
Those were the days
And you knew where you were then
Watching shows like Gentle Ben
HMHomer/Marge
Mister, we could use a man like Sheriff Lobo again
Disco Duck and Fleetwood Mac
Coming out of my eight-track
HMHomer/Marge
Michael Jackson still was black
Those were the days
MJMichigan J Frog
[singing] We're proud to present on the WB, Another bad show that no one will see! [walks away] I need a drink.
Now son, on your first day of school, I'd like to pass along the words of advice my father gave me. [thinking what Grandpa told him]
YYoung Grandpa
Homer, you're as dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it!
Lousy traumatic childhood.
MIMan in "Twin Peaks"
That's damn fine coffee you got here in Twin Peaks. And damn good cherry pie.
[on TV we see The man dancing with a white horse, as a traffic light hangs from a nearby tree]
Brilliant. I have absolutely no idea what's going on.
[Looking at Bart's drawing] Oh what a beau... Aaah! Burn it! Send it to hell!
Homer, have you seen the frozen peas?
[Homer wipes his face with a frozen dinner and pulls the peas out from underneath him.]
Ahh, you keep 'em. Now listen, if we can't afford private school, maybe there's some other way to encourage Lisa. Eh, an art class! Ballet lessons! They have some fun things you can do at the museum on Saturday!
Uh-uh. Forget it, Marge. There is no way I am spending my Saturdays at a museum. Unless...museums don't have foosball, do they?
[Homer daydreams about himself at the museum, playing Foosball with a statue.]
You lose, Michelangelo's "David"! Who's next?
MFMan From Edward Munch's "The Scream" Painting
Meeeeeee!
S9Treehouse of Horror VIII
[The episode begins with the Fox Censor looking through the episode script 5F02 and redacting parts with his pen]
FCFOX Censor
No. No. No. [pauses, then laughs] No. [turns page] Hmm, I think we can do without the crack pipe... [notices viewer] Oh, hi! As the Fox censor, it's my job to protect you from reality. And thanks to my prudent editing, tonight's special Halloween show has been rated TV-G! [points to a TV-G ratings bug] This means there will be no raunchy NBC-style sex or senseless CBS-style violence. So sit back and enjoy a night of worry-free-
[as he speaks, the ratings bug stabs the censor in the back with a cutlass twice, bringing the rating up to TV-PG and then TV-14]
FCFOX Censor
AGH! What the fudge?!
[another stab, rating is now TV-MA]
FCFOX Censor
Oh, for Pete's sake!
[Another stab, rating is now TV-21]
FCFOX Censor
Jiminy Christmas!
[One last stab, rating is now TV-666]
FCFOX Censor
AAAAAHHHH! [falls over, dying] Darn it...
[The FOX censor's blood spills over the desk, spelling out the words: The Simpsons Halloween Special VIII]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.