Wiseguy quotes from The Simpsons

Homer

I'd like to buy your deadliest gun, please.

Aisle six, next to the sympathy cards.

And this is for shooting down police helicopters.

Homer

Oh, I don't need anything like that... yet.

Homer

Just give me my gun!

Sorry, the law requires a five day waiting period. We've got to run a background check.

Homer

Five days?! But I'm mad now! Oh, I'd kill you if I had my gun...!

Yeah, well, you don't.

Homer

I wanna register the booth for sanitation commissioner! And tell the fat cats upstairs, "Things are gonna change in this town!"

OK, but this is where you register as a sex offender.

Aw geez, there's always a line...

That's $912.

Marge

Send the bill to Baron von Kiss-a-lot.

No problemo.

This just arrived, Herr Baron. [Baron takes letter, reads it, and lowers it to reveal enormous lips]

Okay, who's der vise guy?

Homer

Is it snowing down here?

No, one of the freezers is busted.