“Treehouse of Horror VIII” quotes from The Simpsons

No. No. No. [pauses, then laughs] No. [turns page] Hmm, I think we can do without the crack pipe... [notices viewer] Oh, hi! As the Fox censor, it's my job to protect you from reality. And thanks to my prudent editing, tonight's special Halloween show has been rated TV-G! [points to a TV-G ratings bug] This means there will be no raunchy NBC-style sex or senseless CBS-style violence. So sit back and enjoy a night of worry-free-

AGH! What the fudge?!

Oh, for Pete's sake!

Jiminy Christmas!

AAAAAHHHH! [falls over, dying] Darn it...

Kodos

What the hell was that?!

Kang

[speaking into microphone] Calling home planet! This is Ensign Kang reporting a cigar-shaped object moving at tremendous speed!

[on Rigel VII] Sure, Kang, I'm writing that all down.

Homer

[realizing the people in Springfield are transformed into skeletons] Everyone's gone! [saddened] Little Bart...little Lisa...little Marge... [sniffs] and the rest! [cries]

Homer

[dancing in church nude when someone turns off the radio button] Hey. What happened to the tunes? [sees Springfield citizens dressed in monk robes] What's going on? Where did you get these cloaks?

Homer

You're mutants?

Uh, we don't like the word "mutants", Homer. We prefer "freaks" or "monsters".

Homer

[mistaking Edgar and Johnny Winter for mutants] Die, you chalk-faced goons!

Homer

Something I should have done a long time ago. [furiously turns red, angrily shouting at Bart] I'll teach you to mess with my machine!

Homer

[angrily starts chasing Bart] I'm gonna chop you good! That cost me 35 cents! You're just making it worse! I promise I won't hurt you!

Mayor Quimby

You are all hereby found guilty of the crime of witchcraft. I sentence you hags to be burned at the stake until you are deemed fit to re-enter society.

Maude Flanders

[looks at witches] Oh, Neddie, look at them up there, plotting our doom. They could force us to do wanton acts of carnality.

Ned Flanders

[scoffs] Yeah, that'll be the day.