You lost 5% of your brain.
Me lose brain? Uh-oh! [Everyone including Homer laughs] Why I laugh?
[The episode ends, showrunner appears. The credits begins. After the credits, Gracie Films and 20th Television appears at the end of the logo]
S4So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show
S4The Front
[after watching the listless and boring Itchy & Scratchy episode "Dazed and Contused"]
[takes an angry puff from his cigarette] Eh, I could pull a better cartoon out of my a...[notices the cameras are on him]: Ha, ha! Hey, wow! Wasn't that great, kids?
That's as bad as the tasteless "Itchy & Sambo" cartoons of the late '30s. The writers should be ashamed of themselves.
Cartoons have writers?
Eh, sort of.
Oh yeah? Well you and I could write a better cartoon than that.
Write a cartoon ourselves? Bart, are you thinking what I'm thinking?
Probably not. [in his mind, Bart is thinking about holding Santa Claus at gunpoint] Lie in the snow and count to 60. [Bart leaps into the sleigh and cracks the reins] Hiyah! [laughs evilly as he flies into the distance] Merry Christmas, suckers!
HSHomer's Brain
This is it, Homer. It's time to tell her the terrible secret from your past.
Marge, I ate those fancy soaps you bought for the bathroom.
Oh, my God!
HSHomer's Brain
No, the other secret!
Marge, I never graduated from high school.
Well, that still doesn't explain why you ate my soap... Wait, maybe it does...
I never passed Remedial Science 1-A.
Marge [concerned] And you're a nuclear technician?
Marge, ix-nay on the uclear-nay echnician-tay!
What did you say?
Homer [upset] I don't know. I flunked Latin, too!
Marge [as she's going over the mail]: Third notice? Final notice? "Some guys are coming"?!
Grampa [typing a letter]: "Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays. Please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot."
Grampa [as he's typing out a complaint letter]: "When I read your magazine, I don't see one wrinkled face or single toothless grin. For shame. To the sickos at Modern Bride magazine..."
S4Whacking Day
[Bart and the bullies make their way to Utility Basement B looking for mountain bikes.]
Hey, what gives? Where are the mountain bikes?
[appears] Sorry about the ruse, gentlemen. You're being swept under the rug for the superintendent's visit. Enjoy. [closes the door and locks them in]
How are we going to get out of here?
And when are we going to get our mountain bikes?
[outside of the room] Would the world judge me harshly if I threw away the key?
Nay, but the PTA would tear you a new arse.
Wise counsel, William, but the potty talk adds nothing.
Aye, sir. [under his breath] Ye bath-takin', underpants-wearin', lily-hugger.
[Springfield residents track down the snakes to the Simpson place, but Lisa wants a stop to the killing.]
Now wait a minute! How could you do this to snakes after all they've done for you?
I'm an old man. I hate everything but Matlock. Ooh, it's on now.
Mrs. Glick, who killed all the rats in your basement?
GMrs. Glick
Snake did.
And you love snakes, don't you Mr. White?
BWBarry White
I love the sexy slither of a lady snake. Oh baby.
S4Marge in Chains
Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I-- Uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Is that bad?
Well, he's had it in for me ever since I kinda ran over his dog.
You did?
Well, replace the word "kinda" with the word "repeatedly", and the word "dog" with "son."
Now Apu, Mrs. Simpson claims that she forgot she was carrying that bottle of [looks at bottle] delicious... bourbon... brownest of the brown liquors... [hugs bottle] so tempting... [puts the bottle to his ear] What's that? You want me to drink you? But I'm in the middle of a trial. Excuse me. [Hutz rushes out of courtroom to call his best friend] Hello, David? I'm really tempted!
Just take it one day at a time, and know that I love you.
I love you too, man.
S4Krusty Gets Kancelled
Every time you watch my show, I will send you $40! [holds up check to audience]
MMan
[quick voice-over] Checks will not be honored.
Hey, Red Hot Chili Peppers, would you guys be interested in a Krusty the Clown comeback special?
FFlea
Sure, if you can get us out of this gig.
No problemo. Hey, Moe! Look over there! [Bart points to a blank wall]
MMoe
What? What am I looking at? I don't see anything. Gonna stop looking now! What, is that it...?
Hey, Moe, can I look too?
MMoe
Sure, but it'll cost you.
My wallet's in the car!
MMoe
[chuckles] He is so stupid. And now back to the wall!
S5Homer's Barbershop Quartet
Dad, when did you record an album?
I'm surprised you don't remember, son. It was only 8 years ago.
Dad, thanks to television I can't remember what happened 8 minutes ago.
[all Simpsons but Bart start laughing]
No really, I can't, it's a serious problem!
[everyone laughs again, and Bart finally relents and laughs too]
What're we all laughing about?
Who cares?
David Crosby? You're my hero!
Oh, you like my music?
You're a musician?
[After the Grammy Awards...]
Then came to the greatest thrill of my life.
GHGeorge Harrison
Hello, Homer, I'm George Harrison.
Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Where did you get that brownie?
HHarrison
Over there. There's a big pile of 'em.
[walks over to the brownies and wolfs down a whole bunch] Oh, man.
HHarrison
[completely sincere] Well, what a nice fellow.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.