[signing his jingle] Call Mr. Plow, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. Plow!
S4Mr. Plow
S4Lisa's First Word
Maggie, can you say ba-ba? Can you say mama?
Can you say get bent?
Bart!
Mr. Rogers says all the time.
He does not.
Maggie, can you say daddy? Daddy.
Kitty. Kitty.
Be-bop. Be-bop.
Shove it. Shove it.
Homer!
[laughs, picks up Bart] Homer is what grown-ups call me. Call me Daddy.
Homer.
Daddy.
Homer.
Daddy.
Da-- Da-- Da--.
Yes.
Domer. [chuckles]
[turns red in anger] Why you little... [angrily strangles Bart]
Hey, Homer, this house sucks!
Bart, I told you not to use that word. Call me daddy!
Homer, nah!
[Homer angrily strangles Bart]
[Krusty has just announced Krusty Burger's Olympic sweepstakes]
Put a sock in it, preppy! How much are these free burgers gonna cost me?
CCompany Agent
Not to worry, Mr. K, we've rigged the cards; they're all in events that Communists never lose.
[satisfied] I like, I like!
AAide
This just came in over the wires, Big K! [hands him a paper sheet]
[reading] "Soviet boycott, U.S. unopposed in most events". How does this affect our giveaway?
CCompany Agent
Let's see. [punches numbers into a calculator] You personally stand to lose 44 million dollars.
[Krusty sobs]
TATV Announcer
Welcome back to this, the final day of the 23rd Olympiad, brought to you by Krusty Burger.
[furious] YOU PEOPLE ARE PIGS! [sobs] I personally am gonna spit in every 50th burger!
[surrounded by piles of free Krusty Burgers] I like those odds.
[Homer is in the hospital the day Lisa is born. Lisa is in her bassinet while Homer talks to her and Marge reads "Fretful Mother" magazine]
Little Lisa. I've already started you a college fund at Lincoln Savings and Loan.
According to this magazine, Bart might be jealous of her.
Yeah, well, Bart can kiss my hairy, yellow butt.
[Homer and Marge are discussing moving out]
I'm afraid we're going to need a bigger place.
No, we won't. I got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's crib, and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
Won't that warp him?
My cousin Frank did it.
You don't have a cousin Frank.
He became Francine in '76, then he joined that cult. I think his name is "Mother Shabubu" now.
I wanna hold the baby. I wanna hold the baby.
I'm sorry, Bart. You're too little.
Here, Bart, you can hold my beer. [he places his can of beer on Bart's head]
Homer!
What?
I was sitting there!
I don't see your name on it!
It's right there!
Bart, don't write on the rug.
Ha-ha. Mom yelled at you.
Did not.
Did too.
You know, Maggie, the sooner kids talk, the sooner they talk back. [he puts Maggie to bed] I hope you never say a word. [switches the light off, closes the door]
[pulls her pacifier out of her mouth] Daddy. [puts her pacifier back on her mouth and goes to sleep as the episode ends]
S4Homer's Triple Bypass
Nothing you say can upset us. We're the MTV generation.
We feel neither highs or lows.
Really? What's it like?
[shrugs] Eh.
Hey hey! [goofy laugh] [Homer grunts in pain; clutching his chest.] Hey, what's the matter? Oh, right. My grotesque appearance!
Krusty, why are you here?
Eh, it's part of my public service for my "Glug-glug, vroom-vroom, thump-thump."
Well, I could use a laugh.
Well, there's nothing funny about what you're about to go through. I know! [Takes off his shirt, revealing a pacemaker scar.] I'm in the zipper club myself! [lights a cigarette]
You seem pretty healthy.
Yeah? Well I got news for ya: this ain't makeup!
S4Marge vs. the Monorail
LLLyle Lanley
You know, a town with money's a little like the mule with the spinning wheel. No one knows how he got it and danged if he knows how to use it.
[Everyone laughs except Homer who at first doesn't get the joke]
Heh-heh, mule.
LLLyle Lanley
The name's Lanley, Lyle Lanley. And I come before you good people tonight with an idea. Probably the greatest —Aw, it's not for you. It's more a Shelbyville idea.
Now, wait just a minute. We're twice as smart as the people of Shelbyville. Just tell us your idea and we'll vote for it.
LLLyle Lanley
All right, I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll show you my idea. I give you the Springfield Monorail! [everyone gasps] I've sold monorails to Brockway, Ogdenville, and North Haverbrook, and by gum, it put them on the map! Well sir, there's nothing on Earth like a genuine, bonafide, electrified six-car monorail! What'd I say?
Monorail!
LLyle
What's it called?
PSPatty and Selma
Monorail.
LLyle
That's right, monorail! [the crowd starts chanting "monorail" as Lyle begins to play piano]
HMs. Hoover
I hear those things are awfully loud.
LLyle
It glides as softly as a cloud!
AApu
Is there a chance the track could bend?
LLyle
Not on your life, my Hindu friend!
What about us brain-dead slobs?
LLyle
You'll be given cushy jobs!
ASAbe Simpson
Were you sent here by the Devil?
LLyle
No, good sir, I'm on the level!
The ring came off my pudding can.
LLyle
Take my pen knife, my good man! I swear it's Springfield's only choice! Throw up your hands and raise your voice!
AAll
Monoraaaaaaail! (Lyle: What's it called?) Monoraaaaaaail!! (Lyle: Once again!) Monoraaaaaaail!!!
But Main Street's still all cracked and broken!
Sorry Mom, the mob has spoken!
AAll
Monoraaaaaaail! Monoraaaaaaail!! Monoraaaaaaail!!! MONORAIL!
Mono... [realizes the song is over] D'oh!
[Marge opens the fire extinguisher cabinet, sees a mother opossum with four offspring sleeping, who then start hissing]
Homer, there's a family of possums in here!
I call the big one Bitey.
And here's country singing sensation, Lurleen Lumpkin, fresh from her latest stay at the Betty Ford clinic! What ya been up to Lurleen?
[hoarse voice] I spent last night in a ditch.
[nervous laugh] How about it, folks?
Now, I'd like to turn things over to our Grand Marshal, Mr. Leonard Nimoy.
[chuckling] I'd say this vessel could do at least warp five.
And let me say, "May the force be with you."
Do you even know who I am?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.