Well, if we can't get into Sundance, would you like to check out its alternative cousin, Slamdance?
I'd rather die.
S19Any Given Sundance
[In Lisa's movie premiere, Bart is laughing while foolishly throwing dishes on the floor]
[turns red in anger] You stupid kid! What if I walked in here barefoot?
You did, Dad.
[Homer realizes he stepped on some broken dishes in his bare feet. He screams in pain and strangles Bart in anger. Marge cleans up the broken dishes with a small broom.]
[off-screen] Happy birthday, Mom.
[groans sadly] Thank you, dear.
I never wanted to be famous for being mean. I wanted to be famous for catching Santa Claus.
S19Mona Leaves-a
[Talking to his mother] You keep disappearing and reappearing and it's not funny. You're just like that show, Scrubs.
For Marge, I leave this handbag, made of nature's finest material, hemp.
[Sniffs the bag] Smells like concerts!
I don't even want your pie!
But you already ate the whole thing.
Well, I'm not going to digest it!
S19All About Lisa
ASAward Show Presentator
We now come to our final award: Entertainer of the Year. An award so prestigious that it recently won the 'Award of the Year' Award at the 2007 Awardie Awards.
[Narrating] Lisa didn't know it then, but she had just dipped her toe into the business of show! And it is a business, as you shall find out in about three seconds. Two... One...
[The show cuts to commercial.]
[At an auction for a "Kissing Lincolns Penny"]
Five dollars!
Five hundred.
Five dollars, cash.
HHost
Sir, the promise of cash is not an endorsement. The current bid is $500. Going once, going twice--
Dad!
Five hundred-one!
Ten million.
Objection, Your Honor!
Have no fear, the star is here!
Applause is an addiction, like heroin or checking your e-mail.
S20Sex, Pies and Idiot Scrapes
[watching the St. Patrick's Day celebrations] Urgh, where's the IRA when you need them?
EIEx-IRA Member
We renounced the ways of the gun and the bomb. [A double decker bus bearing a Union Jack drives past] Oh, in the old days, we'd have been all over that.
This was such a pleasant St. Patrick's Day until Irish people showed up.
Bail is set at $25,000.
[scoffs] I make that in a year.
So how about a little stakeout music.
Homer, I don't think we have the same musical tastes.
Well I like :AC/DC.
I like their Christian cover band :AD/BC. [Starts Singing]:Kindly deeds done for free.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's The Simpsons pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.